Put 'Em In Detention

Charlton Athletic U21 2 v Sheffield United U21 3 

Professional Development League 

Monday 22 April 2024 

Played at The Valley 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #62 

Entry to the game was in through main reception and up through one of the executive/hospitality bars at The Valley. Meantime Brewing Co. Prime Pale and Anytime IPA were both on sale in that bar. But, we weren't able to take advantage I'm afraid.

Just on kick off, a whole heap of schoolkids emerged and walked down the steps to sit in the seats at the front and absolutely get at it. I assume local kids from local schools invited along by the club to cheer on their team. And, if it weren't their team, maybe it will be now. And. That's the point.

One of the ungracious Carrier Bag Firm remarked;

“Maybe it's instead of Detention, Phil.”

Club officials brought down a pile of programmes from previous first team games to hand out to the kids. Further cementing the deal. It quickly became obvious that there weren't enough free old programmes to go around. For which I can only apologise.

One of the Carrier Bag Firm had seen the piles of programmes on offer on a table in the bar earlier. Gannet doesn't cover it. 

United had to win this one to go top of the North Group. And, having played fewer games than rivals, look handily placed.

Jordan Amissah in goal. Evan Easton in the middle of a three. Levis Pitan to his right and Jack Waldron out wide. Zain Tahir at left centre back and Jay Tinsdale wide left. Aston, Hampson and Blacker across midfield. Ryan Oné definitely up top. Louie Louie Marsh roaming and slightly withdrawn off him.

What a game. United had loads of chances. But didn't quite make it count. Charlton were dangerous on the break. But didn't have many of them. Once the Blades got in front, it looked done. But, we tired, and subbed, and sat off. And Charlton got back into it. All a bit messy in the end.

House on fire start. Sam Aston jumped on a defensive mistake and had a clear run. But, shot wide. Blacker Billy wriggled into the box. But, shot tamely at the keeper. The first 20 were all United. After a neat build up, Ryan dragged one wide from just inside the box.

Maybe they got a bit frustrated. But things started to get a bit disjointed. I've mentioned before that Marsh has not hit the heights he was at before his loan and injury. At times, he's got that slightly annoying thing Andre Brooks has. He's too eager to run straight at defenders, get it stuck in his feet, and lose it.

A bit of a wake up call on 31. A great sweeping Charlton counter attack should have ended better at the back stick. It took a great block by Easton to keep it out.

I don't think I've ever seen a spell like the last fifteen of the first half. So many chances for United. So many touches in the box. A Marsh shot wide. A worked corner ended with an Easton shot blocked. A different pattern corner, Marsh takes a touch, but shoots wide. Hampson drew a great save from the keeper. A move down the left ended with Marsh not being sharp enough, it fell loose to Oné, he leaned back and blazed over. The keeper made a great stick-a-leg out save to deny Marsh. And just before the whistle, the Charlton keeper beat out a Marsh 30 harder.

Nil Nil. Half Time. How? And breathe.

And breathe a sigh of relief on 49. As Levis Pitan opened the scoring. A deep right wing corner by Jay Tinsdale found a climbing Pitan. He looped the header in for one nil.

Great hold up play by Oné played Aston in. His first go hit the keeper, and he blazed the rebound over. On 60, a great move saw Easton play through the lines to Aston, who played Oné in brilliantly. Only a superb save kept the lead to one.

Another corner found Pitan again. This time, his header was saved. From the resulting corner, Tinsdale worked a near post routine and Easton side foot volleyed it home. Two nil.

I see Owen Hampson was on the bench for the first team at Old Trafford. Maybe that's why they hooked him here at 63. Whatevs. But that change disrupted United a bit. Much less fluid without Owen. Sasnauskas came on. Dropped into centre back. With Evan Easton pushed up to makeshift midfield.

Oné scored the third just after that sub. But Charlton clawed one back immediately. Three One. As we went into the last ten, the Young Blades were knackered. Some players running on empty and anonymous. Waldron took a whack. And the Charlton player stood over him and explained a few things. Ryan Oné didn't like that and gave the guy an almighty whack with his shoulder. It all kicked off. But I don't know how Oné stayed on. Well. He didn't. The bench hooked him for Kiwomya to save him from himself !!!

It was all Charlton from there. A cross along the floor all the way across the box. United defending very deep and conceding space. Not dealing with it in the six yard box. And it only took a flick to make it 3-2 on 90 +1.

And. Amissah Time. A staggering strong wrist low down save to not only keep the shot out, but get it well out of harm's way as well.

It's done. Much the better team. But nervous at the end.

The Rake

Borough Market, 14A Winchester Walk, London SE1 9AG

Duration Brewing (Norfolk), Sweeping Coast, West Coast Pale on Keg at 4.8%

Lovely beer. Quite citrus in the first half. Some icing sugar.

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He's More Boastful Than Me

Yorkshire 159 all out 

and 244 all out 

Lost to 

Middlesex 246 all out 

and 158 for 4 

by 6 Wickets 

County Championship Division Two 

Friday/Saturday/Sunday 19/20/21 April 2024 

Played at Lord's Cricket Ground 

Nice man. Went to the game on his own. Bit older than me. Ploughing through a bottle of Sauv Blanc. But boastful if I'm honest. And that's saying something coming from moi.

Life Member of Yorkshire. Member of the MCC. House in Putney worth three mill. Born in Sheffield. Taptonville Road. Left when he was 18 to make his way in the World.

He latched on to us when he heard me say I was from Sheffield. Nice man. Bit boastful. But, he's up against it as his Wife has fallen ill recently. I think he just wanted to shoot the breeze and get out of himself. Although, it wouldn't have surprised me if he'd said;

“Shoot the Breeze? I invented the Breeze…”

Did I say? More boastful than me even. Anyway. We took him under the Carrier Bag Firm wings. His catchphrase was….

“And another thing….”

He tried to leave multiple times. But he kept getting caught up in his own stories. (That Sauv Blanc ain't helping.) He's on one about how he worked with Richard Branson (yes, yes, I know) on a student magazine. And how they used to help each other out with cash and other shit.

“And another thing, I sold Richard his first car. A mini with blacked out windows. Four hundred quid. Actually it had been my father's car. He won it at White City dog track….”

“SorryWutPardon?”

“My father won that car at White City dogs. And I sold it to Richard Branson for £400…”

I mean. Nice man. Up against it with his Wife's illness. But fuck me. Where did that come from?

(As an aside, I will say that I judged his stories to be genuine. Maybe embellished. But genuine.)

This year at Lord's we're chucking ourselves into the English Sparkling Wine scene. In the main, we've sourced from the big retailers. So, I'm afraid we're mainly going to get mainstream stuff.

Bowler & Brolly, Winemaster's Lot, Classic Cuvée Brut Non-Vintage 12%.

This one is actually made for, and sold by, Aldi. I understand it's from Lyme Bay Winery. That's in Devon. Although the suggestion is the grapes are sourced from somewhere in Hampshire. 53% Chardonnay, 14% Pinot Meunier, 30% Pinot Noir, 3% Pinot Noir Précoce.

Ridgeview Cavendish Non-Vintage 12%.

From Ditchling Common in Sussex. Pinot Noir, Pinot Meunier, Chardonnay blend.

Balfour 1503 Brut 12%.

From Staplehurst in Kent. Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Pinot Meunier blend.

Louis Pommery English Brut Non-Vintage 12.5%.

We were really intrigued to try this one. The first of Champagne’s big hitters to launch an English Fizz. I understand using grapes sourced from the Winchester area of Hampshire. Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Pinot Meunier blend.

Hambledon Classic Cuvée 12%.

From the UK's oldest commercial vineyard in Hampshire. Hambledon is sometimes referred to as the Cradle of Cricket. With a club formed around 1750. Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Pinot Meunier blend.

While it was raining on Day One, we managed some beer. I was in a Keg Mood.

Wychwood Brewery, Hobgoblin IPA on Keg at 5%

In the Long Room Bar. An it is what it is offering from one of the Big Breweries. Went down well. But, I was addled from the English Sparkling by this hour.

There were plenty of inconvenient truths in the cricket. I don't think Yorkshire played particularly badly. I don't think we're a particularly bad side. But, currently, we're not a good side. England big lads Joe Root & Harry Brook were allowed out for this one. As is often the case in these circumstances, they made fuck all.

Root 5 off 10 balls and Brook 3 off 9 balls in the first dig. Brook gone LBW first ball to Ryan Higgins in the second. At least Root got to double figures - 32 off 69.

Yorkshire just couldn't get anything going in the first innings. Losing wickets at regular, and short, intervals. 37.4 Overs tells the tale. Ryan Higgins the MCCC pick with 4 for 31.

Leus du Plooy and Josh de Caires both made fifties as Middlesex piled on a near ninety lead. But at least I was able to applaud Thommo (5 wickets) and Ben Coad (4 wickets) through the Long Room between bottles of fizz.

Lyth, Masood, Bean, Brook, Root had all gone before the deficit had been knocked off. But, Hill (52 not out) and Coad (38 not out) saw Yorkshire out to the end of Saturday. With a lead of 129.

So at least we could issue the rally cry;

“Put some more fucking wine on ice.”

If there was going to be anything in it at all, it was going to turn on what happened early doors Sunday. One of the gang said;

“Yes, the tail have given us a glimmer of hope provided that we can add a few more and deny Edwards a bowl.”

He had not been impressed with Mickey Edwards return of 1 for 61 off just 10 overs in the first go-a-round!!!

Coad went with the lead at 139. Fuck Sake. Bit of this. Bit of that. Hill out going aggressively for 75. Leaving Middlesex to chase 157.

Ben Coad had Stoneman off just the third ball. We had ‘em at 77 for 3. But, no real inroads after that. Drink up, there might be a car to be won!!!

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Late Night Lino

Hallam 6 v Maltby Main 1 

Northern Counties East League, Premier Division (Step 5) 

Tuesday 16 April 2024 

One of the Carrier Bag Firm was a tad surprised to be greeted by one of the warming up linesman as he made his way past the 1860 Bar.

“Who was that?”

“Dunno. He obviously knew me. Anyway. I'm a bit knackered. Been on call all night. Had two ridic call outs.”

“Ooohhh fuck. What happened?”

“One fella has filled his van up with fuel at 3am. His Company Card wouldn't work. So he's rang me on the on call number. I've had to get out of bed, drive down there, and pay for it with my card.”

“Jeeeez. That's a waste of time.”

“Tell me about it. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. It's him. The linesman. I've just realised. It's him. He's the Bloke I had to rescue at 3am. That's how he knows me.”

Dear reader. Please write your own linesmen jokes as you see fit.

“Missed that one lino. Bit dozy. Haven't you had any sleep?”

“You weren't up with play for that one lino. Haven't you got any gas in yer tank?”

“What's up with the Ref lino? Has he lost his cards?”

Et Fucking Cetera.

The CBF made like Fridge Raiders for this one. I just felt we'd accumulated a few too many cans in the fridge for various nefarious. With Hallam home games running out, we needed to reduce the stock.

Lock Ten Brewing Co. Lager from a Tin at 4.6%

That's from the Aldi stable. Maybe, just maybe, brewed by Freedom Brewery in Staffordshire. I've had some decent lagers out of Aldi in 330s. This weren't one. And a sort of orange/red can. Not particularly smuggleableinable. Could pass as a Dr Peppers can I suppose.

Lock Ten Brewing Co., American IPA from a Tin at 5.5%

Much, much better. Some pine. And a whack of intense bitter. Nice beer. Maybe pass for a Vimto can.

Next match. Aldi Dry Cider. Don't watch this space!!!

Mad game.

Maltby are finishing rock bottom of the Prem. Hallam can't make the playoffs. But, will finish in a very respectable position. 

Stuart Ludlam had to be subbed at 18. And, with Hallam 5-1 up on 61 minutes, Craig Denton decided to give some of his big guns a rest. He fetched off Blackburn, Fearon and Wilson. Using all his remaining Subs.

On 61, Lewis Macaskill completed a superb Hat Trick to make it 6-1. Unfortunately, he's lasted about another ten minutes before having to hobble off with Hallam then down to ten. On 78, Brandon Bradbury needed extensive treatment. He was clearly not up to continuing. But, already down to ten, Hallam shuffled to use Brandon as a roundabout in midfield.

All this time, keeper Hugo Warhurst was limping around following a knock.

But, he persevered. And the other other eight plus roundabout got Hallam over the line. Reasonably easy when you're six one up.

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The Ballad Of A Charmless Man

Sheffield United U18 3 v Wigan Athletic U18 1 

U18 Professional Development League 

Tuesday 16 April 2024 

Played at Shirecliffe 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #61 

NBDR

No Beer Don't Read 

On 66 minutes, the Carrier Bag Firm GangMaster pronounced…

“United are living a charmed life at the moment.”

It was one all at that stage. And had been for 50 minutes. As you can see from the result, we did in fact charm our way to a win.

I'm going to start with that superb third goal. That started with a free kick from Wigan. With the United defence holding the line on the edge of the penalty area. As is the modern way, they dropped as the kick was taken. I remember thinking - great skill from Prunty. He's essentially running backwards. But he judges it perfectly and powers a header forward.

Stafford Clarke nicks it forward to Blaize. He plays a superb ball down the right. Who's that marauding down there. It's right back (not right wing back) Sam Colechin. He must have been in the same defensive line as Prunty “microseconds” ago. He's beat the offside trap a yard into the Wigan half. Takes it all the way into the box and buries it for three one.

I've said good things about Jayden Prunty there. Keen readers will recall I've bollocked him in the past for loudly and aggressively criticising his own teammates.

Well. He's been at it again. Throwing slaps off the ball in the very first minutes. The lino has seen some of it. Maybe not as much as we've seen. During the evidence gathering between the officials, Prunty won't back off and is loudly “explaining”. Our bench told him to calm it. This time, he's told his own bench in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going to do that!!!

Unnecessary. Lucky to get away with a lecture and a yellow. As it happens. Wigan took two Red Cards late on and ended with Nine Lads.

Alfie Venners U21 debut in goal. Back four from the right - Colechin, Okyere, Prunty, Tawodzera. Kiwomya main striker. With Lamine Sidibe slightly withdrawn - sometimes on the right, sometimes on the left. Jaye Long and Sam Aston more centre mid. Ethan Cummings and Theo Howard wider.

The U One Eights running on empty at the mo’. Only three subs named. Jackson Blaize replaced Howard on 53. Stafford Clarke replaced Okyere on 73. Both those subs crucially involved in that third goal I've already described.

Currently fifth of eleven in the table. A full seven points behind Sheffield Wednesday in second. And we've played a game more. Birmingham City absolutely running away with the league this year. 

Ethan Cummings opened the account on 12. We worked it to Sam Aston in the inside right channel. He fed Cummings. Deelish check inside and finish. But Wigan equalised more or less straight away with a wicked deflection.

I thought it was fairly evens of Stevens. With Wigan starting the second half well. They hit the post on 53. And a great save by young Alfie kept United in it.

But those substitutions. And a goal for Blaize. And that superb third ‘un. Brought it all home.

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Sweeping Swively Swagger

Sheffield United U21 5 v Watford U21 0 

Professional Development League 

Monday 15 April 2024 

Played at Bramall Lane 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #60 

NBDR

No Beer Don't Read 

Thoroughly dominant performance by the Under 21s in front of Wilder, Knill, Andrews, Hoyland and Lester. All sat in a row in the South Stand.

Headlines taken by a 21 minute hat trick by Will Osula. Levels, as they say. But looked a proper handful striker this afts.

It's a postponement disrupted league at the moment. We're in third position. Just four points behind leaders Birmingham City. But, with four games in hand on them. Remember, the top two qualify for the play offs for the National Title. There's no promotion I'm afraid.

Sheffield Wednesday lie second. Three points better off. But, we have three games in hand on them. And, they've got to come to The Lane. So, this afternoon really felt like our march to the play offs, and maybe even the North Group Title, got back on track.

Osula basically a lone striker. Adam Davies getting some minutes in goal. Seventeen year old Dovydas Sasnauskas captain and middle of the three. Connor Barratt on his right. Zain Tahir on his left. Curtis wide right. Tinsdale wide left. Slimane and Peck anchoring midfield. Louie Louie Marsh and Andre Brooks more roaming.

Front foot, dynamic start for the Blades. A great chance for Marsh in the first minute. He didn't really commit to the shot and the half hearted affair was palmed out by the Watford keep. Brooks blazed the rebound miles over.

We can actually deal with those two now. From his high standards, I'm finding Marsh a little bit off the boil in this spell at the club. I was a little surprised they just didn't let him loose up top with Will O. And. Brooks failed to put his stamp fully on the game again. If anything, he's becoming a bit one dimensional. Runs straight at his man. And is prone to give the ball away.

United were a bit lucky on 6. Sasnauskas got to a ball crossed in from his left. But he didn't clear it. Merely stunned it perfectly for the Hornet striker. Luckily he couldn't do owt with it.

Sam Curtis had started well again. Combining well with his teammates and looking to get forward.

The difference in attitude between switched on Peck and half hearted Brooks was clear on 8. The Watford guy drifted past Brooks easily. Leaving Peck to make a lot of ground to put a lunging tackle in and tidy the mess up.

The show got underway on 9 minutes. A neat, simple move. Slimane playing it out of defence. Marsh having a look and being aware. Osula making the run. Marsh slipping him. Great shimmy onto his left foot by Osula. And he buries it. Shocking defending mind to go for a hotdog on Will's shimmy. One nil.

Nearly two up on 13. Driving run by Peck. He got grabbed twice on his run. Great composure in the box to slow it a sec and work it all out. Shocking composure in the box to put a poor shot wide!!!

On 17, Tinsdale played a lovely ball into the box for Marsh. He's gone for a fancy right foot return flick. Missed it. It's hit his left foot and rolled perfectly to the byline. Giggling here. Watford didn't deal with Louie's ball in. It fell to Sir William of Denmark. Lovely swively right footer for Two Nil.

It was all lovely stuff from United at this bit. Confidence growing. Heads high. Prepared to probe. And come backwards and start again if necessary.

And. That Osula hatter on 30. He chased a lost cause down the right. Activated I'm not fucking passing mode. Brought it into the box. Made the angle. And left footed a Three Nil.

Sweeping swagger from the Young Blades for the rest of the half. Not particularly arrogant. But certainly confident.

All rounded off on 40. Interplay with Brooks ended up with Osula hitting the far post.

Half time. Three Nil.

All told, the second half felt more of a cruise. Our possession a bit more for possessions sake. Because we could. The game came to life again briefly on 14. Brooks had oceans of space as he dribbled diagonally forward. He played the reverse ball to Sydie in oceans of space. His right footer found oceans of goal space across the keeper. Those oceans of space brought to you by appalling Watford defending. Four Nil.

Just three minutes later. Same amounts of space. Different positions. Brooks rolls it left for Marsh to finish. On “count back” maybe I've been a little unfair to Andre!!!

(Billy Blacker replaced Slimane between those goals. Planned I think.)

Pitan replaced Captain Dovydas on 66. Superb interplay down the right on 68, Brooks to Curtis. But the shot was palmed out. 

Osula and Tinsdale off on 82. For Macedo and Oné. ‘nando to left wing back. Don't know what that's all about.

Peck running the show for large parts. Will irresistible up top. Lots of contributions.

Good afternoon.

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Is It Off Because It's Off?

Brentford 2 v Sheffield United 0 

Premier League 

Saturday 13 April 2024 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #59 

Ground Tick #486 

Different Ground watching a Sheffield United XI #234 

English Ground Tick #300 

There was plausible beer in the ground. As you'll recall, the Carrier Bag Firm Charter requires us to buy, drink and tick those. Even if you've already had a bellyful in the local Real Ale Pubs & Craft Beer Bars.

Meantime Brewing Co, Anytime IPA on Keg at 4.7%

And. Fuck me. I needed that one as “they” all descended on me on the Brentford concourse.

In case you ain't heard, this was the first time The Blades had played at Brentford's new build ground. I think it's fair to say that a number of people had made the effort to come and see their team. And to tick this ground off. I know I had.

First, there were The Polite Enquirers.

“Phil, how many grounds is this you've seen a United team play on?”

(Narrator takes big slurp of Meantime IPA)

“What? Any team? Friendlies? The lot? Even The Futures? … 234.”

The Polite Enquirer had done 238. Fair fucking play.

Second, there were The Assertive Quizzers.

“Counting this one, how many of the current 92 have United never played on?”

“Fuck knows. Er. Well. Counting this one, they've now played at every ground in the Premier League and The Championship. And I've done all those.”

“Correct. But what about the others.”

“Well. They've played at every ground in League One. And I've done all those.”

“No. They've never played at Cheltenham Town.”

“Yes they have. 19 July 2003. I went.”

“That was a friendly. You can't count those…”

(Narrator takes VERY big slurp of Meantime IPA.)

“Well. In League Two, it'd be Wimbledon, Harrogate, Sutton United but I've been to all those as a Neutral. Then Forest Green Rovers, Newport County and Salford City.”

“Yes. Those. And Barrow and Accrington.”

(Narrator, needing courage for this next bit, downs rest of Meantime IPA in one.)

“United sent an Under 23 side to Barrow in 2019. We got beat 3-1.”

“United sent a side to Accrington in 2001. The Reserves played Rochdale Reserves there.”

“You can't count those…”

I mentioned the Carrier Bag Firm Charter earlier. Well, the Charter is helpful here as well.

“Everybody. It's your Tick list. They're your Ticks. There's no Rules. Only your Rules. Tick yer Ticks. Celebrate yer Ticks. And celebrate how others are Ticking.”

I have seen football played on 486 grounds. By chance that includes exactly 300 grounds in England. On 234 of those grounds, I have seen a Sheffield United XI play. I have seen Sheffield United XIs play on 84 of the current 92. But, adding in Neutral games, I have seen games at 87 of the current 92.

Thank Fuck that debates over for a bit…

Brentford scored their second on 90 +3. Their opening goal on 63 was a big deflection OG. United not only stayed in that game for long periods. They were IN that game for long periods. Nothing mad. No particular claims of should have won. Maybe - could have drawn.

We had half n half possession. We had more than a handful of pukka shots. We had some intent. We couldn't really get much going up top. Brereton-Díaz and McB not gelling quite as well as recent games.

Arblaster enhanced his rep. If/when he gets the chance, he needs to go - mid-expansive. He (understandably) plays a fair few safe, help it on balls. He occasionally looks for the Hollywood cross fielder out wide. A key strength is the 15 yard progression - 12 sometimes. Either playing between the lines. Or a quick burst between the lines. Those will come (I hope). Because meaningful possession and progression is where he can make a difference.

Injuries mean we are still juggling at the back. But, Yasser Juggledin Larouci did well I thought. More minutes mean more settled in. I thought he did the job Wilder probably told him to do.

The McAtee thing is getting to me a bit. He's fucking lazy. Alright, alright he looks fucking lazy. He's marking time (because FFS he's not marking his man) when he could be using this opportunity to march forward.

But, anyway, you don't get any fucking points for any of that shit.

We had an interesting Quality Control issue in our bar of choice;

The Black Dog Beer House 

17 Albany Rd, Brentford TW8 0NF

You know the Black Dog right? Just along from St Paul's Rec? Where I was detained after the game in 1979 in connection with a Murder!!!

By exploration, we knew the Beer Board in the BDBH by heart. Intimately. So, when we went in after the game, we knew that this one must be fresh on. 

True Story Brewing Co (Wiltshire), Gone Postal, Hazy IPA on Keg at 5.8%

Quick sip. Nice. But, more or less immediately, the Bar Manager has rubbed it off the board. And turned the pump clip around. It's Off. But, is it Off because it's Off, or is it just Off?

I'd be interested in what you, reader, would do in those circumstances. You've bought a round of a particular beer. It tastes good to you. It's clearly not run out. But, the Manager then takes it off.

I went to enquire…

“Some customers have a problem with it, it's busy, so I'm taking it off.”

“Fine, but what do you want me to do with the three I've just bought?”

“Drink them if you want. I can't be replacing and refunding beers left right and centre.”

“But, if there's something wrong with it…”

“Have you tasted it? Do you think there's something wrong with it?”

“But, you're taking it off. Do you think there's something wrong with it?”

“Sometimes, during sparging, a bit of an antiseptic flavour can develop from the husks. It's a brewing issue. It's actually detectable in a lot of beers. I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with the beer. It's certainly not off. But, I can just detect it when I taste it. I'm going to have a good look at it, and a good taste of it, when I open in the morning. But, to save a lot of hassle while we're busy. I'm taking it off for now.”

That's unusual. The Manager, giving a full and robust explanation of what's occurring. Almost as if he knows what he's doing!!!

I'm proud to say the Carrier Bag Firm routinely have very little idea of what's occurring. So, we did as he said. We drank and thoroughly enjoyed that beer.

The Black Dog is a superb place. I counted eleven pukka craft Keg and four on Cask. In the unlikely event you've thoroughly enjoyed reading about Biggest Ticker, Lazy Midfielders, Beer In The Ground, and Unusual Quality Control Discussions, then please feel free to stop reading right here.

But, feels like we ain't had a Beer Blog for ages. So, for the unintentionally interested, I'm now going to run through the lot.

Round Corner Brewing (Melton Mowbray), Drovers, IPA on Keg at 4.3%

Fresh & Zingy. Tang to the bitterness. Rather than a throat grabber. Long finish. Dry Hopped with Citra, Mosaic & Simcoe.

Boundary Brewing (Belfast), Imagine Not Liking The Corners, Porter on Keg at 4.1%

Oatmeal porter. Some toast. Hint of chocolate.

Polly's Brew Co (Flintshire), Yonkers, Hazy Pale on Keg at 5.6%

Superb. It sounds odd. But in a certain light, it was so dense & opaque, it looked almost grey. Which I found very inviting. Tropical fruit backed up by marmalade orange.

Lost and Grounded Brewers (Bristol), Collab with Burnt Mill Brewery (Ipswich), Big Thaw 5, West Coast IPA on Keg at 6.8%

Westie Bestie. Two of my favourite English breweries Collabing. This was the one that replaced the - I've taken it off Gone Postal. Absolute Belter. Pils, Pale Ale and Cara malts. Columbus, Chinook and HBC 586 Hops. Citrus, pine, rich bitterness.

The Kernel Brewery (London), Small Pale Ale Citra Centennial Columbus Chinook Simcoe on Keg at 4.2%

Surprisingly ordinary. Couldn't help thinking they've gone in with a few hops too many and it's all lost in translation.

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Reciprocal Or We Riot

Essex 421 for 6 

v Kent 

County Championship Division One 

Friday 12 April 2024 (Day One) 

Played at Chelmsford 

Today. I come to praise Essex. This season, Yorkshire tell that my Membership with them gives me reciprocal rights of one sort of another at TEN of the other seventeen Counties.

The claim for Essex was that I'd be granted free entry to the ground. And be allowed access to the Essex Members area. But, please tell me you'd feel like I felt. Free entry. With a random Yorkshire County Cricket Club membership card.

“How the fuck is that going to work in real time?”

“I'll count myself lucky if they've sorted me out before Lunch. Tea seems more likely. Fingers crossed it's before Close of Play.”

But. No eyelashes batted. Couldn't have been easier. Gateman knew what I was talking about. And pointed me to the ticket shed. They checked an A4 laminate stuck to the wall to confirm that Yorkshire was a reciprocal.

We were given conventional paper tickets allowing us into the ground. Those clearly said we could go into the Members area. The guy scanning the ticket was nice & friendly. Bid us have a good day, and hopes Yorkshire will be back in the First Division next season.

Having been on the receiving end of “The Headingley Experience”, I wish any Essex Member trying to get reciprocal in LS6 - good fucking luck.

First objective in any County ground, particularly one where we're allowed into the Members - check the compared to Yorkshire metrics.

Four.

Four Cask Ales on, front and centre, in the bar. Compared to none at Yorkshire.

And, there was one Keg Craft-a-Like.

Greene King, Spring Break, Golden Ale on Cask at 4.4%

Look. In a sports ground, in England, you are only really gonna get beers from the big brewing concerns. So, here, it's Greene King. This one is from their Future Brewers series. I understand they let people on the National Brewing Apprenticeship Programme have a go. And they've had a shot at a Hoppy golden ale. Drinkable. But not great.

Greene King, Level Head, IPA on Keg at 4%

So. We thought we'd have a go at this Greene King Craft-a-Like. Same point. Decent enough for an English sports venue.

Dean Elgar & Matt Critchley both scored day one Centuries for Essex. Having been just 10 for 2, that was a great climb back. 

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