VAR Line Calls. Chuck some Beer at it....

This Blog is in SUPPORT of VAR. Not all of VAR. But, in support of the drawing the lines bit of VAR in offside decisions. Come at me with "takes too long". Come at me with "ruining goal celebrations". Come at me with "reset and second phase". Come at me with handballs, slightest bit of contact in the Penalty Area & knee high challenges. And, you'll find I'm sympathetic. But, do not come at me with "Dier's shoulder is further forward than his knee, Dier's shoulder is playing Lundstram onside". Because it wasn't. That's just Maths. (And Geometry & Trigonometry & Angles & Perspective). And  …. well it's just Science. 

I will now explain. By the means of Peter Kay, Phoenix Nights, Father Ted, a broom handle, a ruler and two bottles of BrewDog Punk IPA. I'm doing this, so that no one else has to.

On Saturday, 9 November 2019, my team, Sheffield United, scored what would have been the one one equaliser away at Champions League Finalists Tottenham Hotspur. That "Goal" was actually ruled out by VAR, the Video Assistant Referee. At that stage, me, a 61 year old man, with a "no other option' number two haircut, and an oversized Lacoste Polo to hide his beer gut, sat on the front row of the away section, I'd already done the Didzy Pumping Iron Muscle Flex celebration as David McGoldrick jogged over to the corner. How embarrassing….

This is the picture Twittered by the Premier League of the incident. The blue line shows the part of Dier's body closest to his own goal. Let's declutter. Just concentrate (for now) on that one, single aspect. Let's call it his knee. What have you got? 

"The line is too thick Phil, it actually goes THROUGH Dier's knee"

Mate, that's not the actual line they use to make the decision. They make the decision using a very fine, crosshair line, drawn in High Definition by a computer. The Blue and Red lines are drawn on later, to show the viewer roughly what's going on. They're added "for illustration". Don't lose some bile mithering about the width of the line.

"OK Phil, but look, Dier's shoulder is further over the blue line than his knee. The crosshair line should be on his shoulder, not his knee."

Mate, not for the first time, I'm going to bring BrewDog Punk IPA (5.6%) in as an argument for my defence. You're familiar with a beer bottle right? Not a beer can. A can has a straight side. A bottle has a shoulder, and a neck, and a top. It has a shape. A beer bottle mate, you must know what they're like? FFS, ask your Dad.

Have a look at this picture. Which has some similarities to the Dier VAR picture. Although, you'll forgive me, I've over emphasised it for impact. I know. You know. Every right thinking reader of this Blog knows. Don't deny science. The bottle top cannot be closer to the imaginary goal line than the body of the bottle. But……

See where I'm going? From this perspective. From this camera angle. It looks like the bottle top may be closer to the imaginary goal line than the body of the bottle. Looks like, but isn't.

That load of Bolton Fans, all Persons Of Short Stature, who turn up in the minibus outside the Phoenix Nights Club.

Paddy - "Oh, I hate match days. Look at this."

Max (squinting) - "How far away are they?"

That's a Modern Culture lesson in perspective that is.

Father Ted (showing toy farmyard cows to Dougal) - "OK, one last time. These are small. But, the ones out there are far away. Small. Far away." Another, Modern Culture perspective on perspective right there.

And, that's what has happened with the picture of Dier's knee & shoulder. The perspective makes it look like his shoulder is closer to his own goal line than his knee. But it isn't. Small. Far away. 

"Oi, Phil, no need to be sanctimonious, I know what perspective is thanks. But how do you absolutely know his knee is closer to goal?"

Yes. Sorry. Not my intention. And, I'm saying, on this one thing of drawing a thin crosshair line on the part of the body nearest to the goal line. I trust the Maths. I trust the Geometry. I trust the Science. I trust the coneheads who have number crunched the angles. Once a conehead. Always a conehead.

Here's some further BrewDog Punk IPA science to send you on your way. Consider a 330ml bottle of Punk. Consider a 660ml Bomber bottle of Punk. 

In the battle of Dier's Knee, beer provides the answer. I will now drink the evidence.

Congratulations you have just been informed by the Carrier Bag Firm.