North West Counties League, Division One North (Step 6)
Monday 7 August 2023
Route One Rovers Marley Stadium in Keighley, a groundshare with Steeton (who are in the same league as R1R), is the 441st different ground I have watched football on.
No beer today.
"Route One Rovers, cool name Bro, what's occurring?"
That name partly tells the (short) history of the club. Yesterday I was at 1860s slow and continuous burner Hallam FC. But, Route One are only ten years old. And have had a meteoric climb from the West Riding County Amateur League, through the Yorkshire Amateur Leagues. Winning the superbly named Supreme Division in 2022/23. Played 25. Won 23. Drew 2. Unbeaten. And deservedly gaining their place in Step 6.
So, ten years ago, a group of mates got together for some kickabout park football and needed a name. I'll let Chairman Sameel Mahmood take up the story.
“When we first got up and running we were all just sat around a table and thinking of a name, Route One Rovers came up and we thought, that’s fun and stands out and was quite ironic considering the way we wanted to play. We never thought we would get this far, this fast, however it has proven to be a discussion point wherever we have played and whatever league we have been in and it’s staying if we can help it. We considered Bradford Rovers, AFC Bradford and a couple of others but they don’t have that stand out factor.“
Tonight's oppos, Ilkley Town finished fourth in this league last season. Both teams had started this season well - winning two out of their first three.
I can't speak for them. But, Rovers clearly have a strong South Asian ethnic minority background. Their roots are in multicultural Bradford. In multicultural Britain. Formed just ten years ago. Part of that background is reflected in the fan experience.
For instance, the food cabin. No pies, burgers, nor chips here. The meal deal was Chicken Biryani and a drink - six quid.
The 4g, caged pitch, is surrounded by other more rudimentary grass pitches. At half time, I could see a load of guys on the opposite side to me. They were facing away from the Route One Rovers pitch and appeared to be lined up, looking through the cage, onto one of the grass pitches. Here we go. Get the ticking pen out, they're watching another game on the next pitch. Back off lads - the Carrier Bag Firm are here.
But, I suddenly realised they were not looking at the next pitch. I realised they were actually looking towards Latitude 21.4224779 Longitude 39.8251832. Looking over the Great Circle view to that specific geographical point. Calculated using the haversine formula. How did I know this? Because they all simultaneously dropped to their knees, and went into Sajdah, the prostrate position. They weren't looking at a "b game" on "pitch 2". They were praying towards the Ka'bah in the Grand Mosque, Makkah, Saudi Arabia.
Good luck to them. I think I'm OK to say;
"I'm an Atheist. No Tick for me there."
I'm also going to report that R1R is a full on football experience. I was with the Carrier Bag Firm advance guard. The turnstile was manned by a guy from an ethnic minority group, wearing a distinctive long black robe. As I am contractually required to do, I adopted the Womack Method.
"Two Concessions please."
"How old are you then?"
You've got to keep your story simple here. Any inconsistencies and you're toast. (Insert some inappropriate joke about "you're a chapati" blah blah blah - needs work). The truth matters.
"I'm 64 and he's 61."
"Sorry, concession is over 65, that'll be a fiver each."
FFS. They "never" ask. Have they never heard of the Womack Method? Anyway. Turnstile guy. Concession denier. Even though it all progressed with a smile. You're not going to forget him in a hurry.
And, in the second half, he was in the middle of the Route One Rascals in The Varley Boilers Shed. With the Drum. Leading the chants. Abusing the Ilkley keeper. Bantz with the physios as they marched past. And his fucking language. Effffing and Jeffffing like a bad 'un. I haven't heard language like that since I last listened to myself. Meet Turnstile Guy. As I said, a full on football experience.
Yesterday, I was at Hallam v Irlam. Hallam scored two on and after 90 minutes. To make it 3-3. I couldn't have deja vu all over again could I? Today. Wow.
I firmly believe the Blog will have to return to "timings" many, many times this season. What with the clampdown on timewasting and extended added time an' all that. The advertised kick off was 20:00hrs. The actual kick off was 20:06hrs. El Referoonie played 54 minutes in the second half. The CBF Desig Dri pulled out of the car park at 22:10hrs, in a desperate attempt to get out of Dodge. (Dodge in this context is West Yorkshire).
On 89 minutes, it was 3-1 to R1 Rovers. With goals on 19, 55 and 58. Ilkley had also nabbed one on 52. But, Rovers were in control. Turnstile Guy was giving the Drum a battering. Turnstile Guy was giving Jordan Moorhouse in the Ilkley nets a serious abuuuuusing.
But, guess what? The Baht ‘atters clawed another back on 89. Bagged the equaliser on 90. And pushed on for the winner on 90+5. Scenes.
Jordan M now had the opportunity to "explain a few things" to The Route One Rascals and their leader Turnstile Guy.
The Ilkley Firm piped up;
"Weeer has tha bin since I saw theee…"
Even I couldn't resist. I turned to face the Rovers Rabble in The Varley Boilers;
"Two Concessions please."
"Two Concessions please."
"Two Concessions please."
Four Three. Goodnight.
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