National League North (Step 2)
Friday 29 March 2024
Played at Flamingo Land Stadium
Ground Tick #482
Sometimes, I write Carrier Bag Firm stories about Football.
Sometimes, I write Carrier Bag Firm stories about Pubs & Bars.
Today, I'm going to write a Carrier Bag Firm story about a fucking Carrier Bag!!!
On our way to Scarborough Athletic’s ground, for my 482nd tick, and incidentally opened in 2017 with a game against Sheffield United, we decided to call in at my favourite Fish & Chip shop.
North Bay Fisheries
179 Columbus Ravine, Scarborough YO12 7QZ
Each piece of Haddock is fried to order. And then served in one of those size appropriate cardboard boxes with a proper closing lid. And, maybe, they sprinkle heroin on ‘em. Maybe. Dunno. But, they taste deeelish.
Because they fry to order, you go to the till, order, pay, and get a chitty, and wait for the frying to finish. Because of “the world we live in”, there was a sign stuck up near the till. The offer was 5% off if you pay by cash.
“Medium Haddock and Chips twice please. And I'll pay cash and have the discount please.”
He's pressed the buttons and quoted a price North of A Score. I've given him a note and shrapnel. He's given me change. And, crucially, The Chitty.
I then to retire to the existing throng of customers already clutching their Chip Chitties. Where, I idly peruse my own, specific Customised Chitty.
“That fucking discount appears to be two pence.”
I walk back to the till, to read the sign again, to check I've understood the discount offer correctly, in case it's 0.05%, which would be ludicrous, rather than 5%. It's 5%. Have I ever mentioned I've got two Degrees in Statistics. And I used to run the School League Tables for HM Government.
But, you know, I was very much an applied and practical Statistician. Not really a Mathematician. Better go and check that sign again.
“That fucking discount appears to be two pence.”
I know exactly how to handle this situation. I calmly wait for Harry the Haddock to appear. I ensure I've got Scraps as a garnish. And I condiment appropriately.
Then. With no fuss. I conspiratorially go back to the till. (Different person this time). And whisper.
“You might want to look at how that till is programmed. It's only knocked me two pence off for cash.”
Fish Person looks at Chitty.
“Oh. He's not subtotaled. It's only taken 5% of the last item. This item here. Carrier Bag. Thirty Pence. He's given you 5% off the Bag. Not the Fish. He should have subtotaled.”
But, of course, we're the Carrier Bag Firm. We're inclusive. We're sustainable. No Runners. We always carry a suitable Bag For Life. Those Hemp ones are great. When they get a bit tatty, you can roll ‘em up and smoke ‘em.
We didn't even want a Carrier Bag for our grub. And certainly not at thirty fucking pence a go. We could have just put everything in the bag we're already carrying!!!
Let me spell it out. A Carrier Bag I neither needed nor wanted has fucked up my discount for cash. Reducing it to Two fucking Pence.
Of course, that's faux outrage, not communicated to the staff. Who were told - not to worry about it, honest mistake, see you next time. We're not Savages.
Craft Bar
7 Northway, Scarborough YO11 1JH
First visit. Took us a moment to check whether there were any discounts for cash. Once bitten and all that. Great place. The bar person was a little distracted. Concentrating more on what the people she knew at the bar were talking about, rather than on my order. But, that's how we live now.
The place filled up rather quickly after we arrived. A lot Scarborough Athletic punters in here because their pub of choice hadn't opened today, Good Friday. That pub of choice is a Scarborough Athletic shirt sponsor FFS. Poor that. Four on Cask. Eleven on Keg. Although the Kegs majored on Vault City and Stone.
Brew York, Collab with Sureshot Brewing (Manchester), Sureshot Mr Burns, Hazy IPA on Keg at 5.5%
Excellent. Best I've had in ages. Sometimes, once a beer style becomes established and universal, you forget how it tasted the first time you had it, you forget how it is supposed to taste. This one brought it all back. Hazy, but not over juiced. Dank. With the bitterness growing from the start.
Unfortunately, Sheffield United Academy graduate, former Hallam player, England C International, UEFA B qualified coach at Sheffield Wednesday and (obvs) Carrier Bag Firm favourite, Alex Brown picked up a season ending injury just recently. So, he couldn't feature in the Seadogs line up.
Feisty game at times. A good bit of finger pointing, wankering and outside now signing to and from the 99 Warrington fans. Warrington, leading two one at that stage, subbed Amis for Woods on 79. To “save time wasting” the Ref manhandled him to get off the pitch at the nearest point. Rather than having him meander all the way across the pitch to the dugouts.
That resulted in a bit of bollocks with the home fans as he walked round. The lino had to get involved as something was done or said to Woods from the stands. That had to be explained to the Ref. Who then had to continue his tour of the ground to explain it to both benches and the Head Steward. The Head Steward then had to form a posse to try and deal with it all. Witness statement from the lino. And an impact statement from the subbed off Woods. And. Do you know what? They hadn't really saved any time by making him go off the pitch somewhere else!!!
‘Boro equalised with a screamer just after all that malarkey. And even had time to miss a Penalty on 87. Finished Two each.
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