The Hero of Marseille

England 1 v Russia 1

Saturday 11 June 2016

UEFA European Championship Group B

Played at Stade Velodrome, Marseille

Amidst all the chaos in Marseille, a Hero has emerged.

Here you are. Here's the real hero of the day. My mate Stan. He's Seven. In the Fanzone, he's grabbed the free Vuvezuela (horn to blow) and the Clapping Hands thing you make a racket with. At the security check at the ground Stan’s had his Vuvezuela confiscated by a boorish, rude, UEFAstasi Security Guard. Natch, he's used that as a diversion to smuggle the Clapping Hands in. Good Lad.

Stan ain't got 100 Imperial Yards past the checkpoint before he encounters another young English fella in bits. Poor lad has had both the Horn AND The Clapppers confiscated at Security. Stan can't contain himself. Sheds a few tears for the other fella. Knows the score. Got your back. Tearfully (joyfully) gives up his Clappers to the other lad. Insists. No is not an answer he is taking.

And that, UEFA, FIFA, the lot of you, is why we'll never have it. Game stealing corporate nonsense. Despotic owners of despotic clubs from despotic countries. Never. We've. Got. Stan. If he has Clappers, we all do. Salute. He's Seven.

Stan had a Lemonade in the pub.

I went Brasserie Pietra, Bionda on keg at 5.5%. Pleasant enough. But an identikit blonde lager. And a bottle of Brasserie Artisanale du Luberon, Indian Pale Ale at 5.5%. Enjoyable beer. But all a bit restrained. Just a little tartness. Gives way to grass. Before a nice mouth tingling ginger bitter finish.

Trouble you say. Russian hoolies & Olympic Marseille Ultras. Targeting the English. French Plod clueless. I saw nowt. Planned me route. Drank me beers. Missed it all. What a pity. Never mind. (Although I did see the Russians steam some English in the ground after the whistle).

I know enough about football terrace culture, to be careful of generalisations. But. The Russians just don't seem to get it. Mate, it's not a PHYSICAL battle. It's PSYCHOLOGICAL. If you want to go one on one, with the Dukes up. You'll batter me hands down. If you want to round house kick me in the head, I'll drop.

But, if you're wondering whether the English will be there in numbers. Don't, you'll have your section. And we'll always have the entire rest of the ground. If you're wondering which pubs the English will be in. Don't, they'll be everywhere. These days, very few are bang up for it. But, we'll always have plenty of cannon fodder. We're on it. I wouldn't even know where to buy Steroids.

Disappointing result. England did the hard work. Lots of possession in the first half. Bright. Pacy. Good few chances. But couldn't make it count. I know what they're doing. But, Rooney is too deep.

Great set piece to go ahead. But, then we sat back a bit. Disrupted ourselves with substitutions. And conceded a horrible header in injury time. Rose (was it?) outjumped.

326/690