The Gravy Audit

England 284-4
v India
close on Day 1

Friday 16 December 2016

Played at Chennai

Twitter @ball_sup

29 Indian Beer Ticks

The Beer

I'll take advice & be proved wrong. But, I've got Chennai down as a Beer Desert. My extensive internet research yields no BrewPubs, no independent Micros & no pubs specialising in Indian Craft Beer. Help me out someone.

Anyway, there's one of those cracking Indian Bottle Shops more or less under the hotel. Metal grill over the front. A hole to pass your money through. You know the drill. On the shelves, they've got 750 mil bottles of all the top shelf gear. I'd bet my life Dhoni endorses one of those Whiskies. Virat an’ all I dare say.

But, none of those are the tipple of choice for the Chennaiainians. That honour goes to 180 mil bottles of Cosmopolitan Whisky. Essentially it's a silent arrangement. You get to the front of the scrum. He passes you a Cosmo 180 through the grill. Everyone a winner. Me n Mrs Ball Sup have been laid up by the Common Cold. So, we've been using the Cosmopolitan in Hot Toddy’s of the purely medicinal nature.

I've thrown the Guvnor today by asking, verbally, for a Beer instead of my usual 180 mil Cosmopolitan. Natch, you don't get a choice. He whacks you what is in the nearest fridge to hand. I love these Mad Bastards.

So, the bottle has “This Is Extra Strong Beer” as the strapline. The Health Warning on the back conveniently states “Liquor Ruins Country Family & Life”. So, we're all good here.

SNJ Breweries, British Empire from a bottle “abv below 6%”. For sale in Tamil Nadu only. And. Of course. No discernible flavour.

Local Colour

We've had the full Gravy Audit in the restaurant tonight. Many Indian menus describe what we might call “Sauce” as “Gravy”. Gravy is in common usage in Indian English. Now, obviously, it is easy to end up with bizarre combinations of food if you don't watch yourself. Jam on Roast Beef, or whatever. But, we're weaned on something (chicken, prawns, veggies) in a sauce (korma, madras) with rice.

In “local” restaurants here they seem to have set ideas about what goes with what. Fair play, it's their country. But, it always seems to centre on how much Gravy you're having. Tonight, mine host objected to Vegetable Biryani, Dal Fry, Aloo Gobi & two Nans. Under cross examination, when I agreed to have my Aloo Gobi “no gravy” he was absolutely delighted. What a nice Mad Indian Bastard.

The Cricket

It all got going very well in the end. Most tourists had been pushed into the more expensive Air Conditioned Box tickets. I'm fine with it all. I've reached Indian Saturation. At the ticket window, English fans were asking to see maps of the ground with blocks & stands marked. After careful consideration & choice, they were told all their choices were unavailable & they'd have to go in Box D. I went native. “Hi mate, two season tickets, you tell me which block I'm in”. Essentially, the same system as buying 180 mil Cosmopolitan Whisky at the Bottle Shop.

As the Ball Sups illnesses required a bit of cool & relative peace & quiet, the AC Box will do us at the moment. Thank you very much.

I'm going to say. You can't knock that score by England. Four down on Day 1 is OK. It was hardly dynamic for long periods. But, there were boundaries at times & they kept at it. My theme this series is - if your spinners are pony, & your seamers lack penetration, then you simply have to score the runs, it's maths. Jennings chased a wide one. Bairstow knocked one straight to the fielder. Root was petulant. But, the replay was conclusive, wasn't it?

Only four down is the important bit.

417/857