Aussie Agro, Hello

England 346 all out
v Australia 649-7 declared
England 180 all out
Australia win by an Innings & 123 runs

Australia win The Ashes Series 4-0

Played at The SCG

Monday 8 January 2018

510 Australian Beer Ticks

The Ashes in Australia Cricket Experience

Let us start with a Grumble. Or, rather the Facts. I’m getting older. I’m in the lucky position of having done bits, & indeed whole, Ashes Series before. Across the board, I’m enjoying Small Sport more. Age Group Football, FIFA U20 World Cup, County Cricket, Pre-Season Friendlies, afternoon boozing. The blowing of the wind is in a certain direction. There are things about the Ashes that are ever more unappealing.

I maintain. I like my Cricket to mean something. Their best. Our best. Best best wins. Put it up his Hooter. Give him the stare. But, one team will win. Grace will help. This one had too much Stoking for my taste. Unedifying. I didn’t stay for the post match presentation. I had an important appointment in the Woolpack Hotel & Lounge in Redfern. But, I see from the Idiot Box that the podium had a big hand draped in the Australian Flag showing “Four”. And a big hand draped in the St George Cross showing “Nil”. Cricket Australia decided to frame the Series as Beat England. They had a HashTag & all that caper. During games, the bigscreen would show little kids, barely able to speak, yelling Beat England into Camera. And Politicians. And minor AUS Celebs. And Randoms. And David Warner & all the Boys. Beat. England. Feeding off that would be complete arseholes in lifts, lobbies & lavvies. All wanting to give it the Billy Big Bollocks. Not in bad, hard way. Just their idea of Bantz.

Don’t get me wrong. Met some lovely ‘uns. Fella at the WACA telling me, unsolicited, didn’t know I was a Pom, that bouncing & hitting Anderson was wrong after what happened to Phillip Hughes. Lady at the G. Proud Australian. Melbourne FC scarf, The Wallabies. The Kangaroos. The Socceroos. They were her mobs. But, she would never, ever support an Australian Cricket team. The invented hatred was too much for her. It/we don’t need all that BullShit. It’s proper cricket without drumming up. Leave it alone.

As with all big events. You get the constant In-Ground Blather on the PA & BigScreen. Sponsors Bollocks. Charity Bollocks. Wave at the camera. Kiss for the camera. Put a Bucket on your head for the camera. Be The Show.

I don’t mind saying. Across the piece. It all got to me.

Aussie Agro

I need to be careful here. I mustn’t criticise the behaviour of Australian Fans. Have a Booze Up. Have a shout. Do some finger pointing. Make it difficult for the Stewards & Plod. That’s the deal. If that’s what you’re into. But. Some of them seem on a one man mission to get binned out. Almost like a badge of honour. And, all of that is set against the background of Rules, Rules, Rules. Which, it seems, can all be ignored. The Tactic seems to be to use the Big Screen & PA to constantly warn about what you can’t do. And, what will happen if you do it. But, having got that out of the way, just let ‘em get on with it. Lip Service. Head In The Sands.

David Warner is front & centre. Reading the ICC Code to Camera. Don’t incite this. Don’t vilify that. You know the drill. With a great big No Fucking Irony. It’s like they don’t connect. The fine for running on the pitch is shown. The fine for general buffoonery is shown. Drink Responsibly. Gamble Responsibly. If You Throw You Go. No Mexican Waves. No Beer Snakes. They have specially designated Alcohol Stewards patrolling the 3.5% queues. In Sydney, you had to take your sunglasses off to buy a beer. Once you’d bought it. You could put The Oakleys back on. Walk up the aisle. Skol (drink in one) the Bastard. Chuck the empty plastic glass over your shoulder into the Kids & Humans seats. And swear like a Trooper. But, no worries. When you bought it, the sunglass rule was enforced.

The Beer Glass Snake things works as follows. Build snake. Steward arrives. Asks for glasses. Is given vile abuse. Is given the erstwhile snake. As the Steward is walking down the aisle. Buffoons are placing more glasses into his Snake. So, that he is now “The Snake”. When he tries to stop ‘em doing this, one of them manhandles him, places more glasses into the Snake & dry humps the Steward. Manhandles. Dry Humps. All while other Stewards AND PLOD & state of the art CCTV look on. But, at least the BigScreen had listed the fines for those offences. Lip Service I tells ye.

Tale of the Tape

Let the record show.
All 25 Days of Test Cricket
Five Days of Warm Up Cricket
Two Big Bash T20 Games
Two Rugby League World Cup Games
One A League (it’s Football not Soccer) Game
One days Horsing

My Big Brewery Count Up - turns out I’ve done Eighteen Breweries on this trip, as follows;

Capital Brewing Co., Canberra
Hemingway’s, Port Douglas
Townsville Brewing Co., Townsville
Aether Brewing Co., Milton, Brisbane
Newstead Brewing Co., Milton, Brisbane
Pirate Life Brewing, Adelaide
Barossa Valley Brewing, South Australia
Prancing Pony Brewing, Tottness
Brewhouse, Margaret River
Eagle Bay Brewing Co., Western Australia
Cheeky Monkey Brewing, Western Australia
Colonial Brewing Co., Western Australia
Homestead Brewing, Swan Valley
Stomping Ground Brewing, Abbotsford, Melbourne
Moon Dog Brewing, Melbourne
Sauce Brewing Co., Marrickville
Endeavour Tap Rooms, The Rocks, Sydney
Batch Brewing, Sydney

That allows me to make simple points. The Craft Beer Scene in Australia has now reached a simple level. Virtually any pub/bar you walk into will have some sort of Craft Beer on offer. You’re never really far from a Craft Brewery. Happy Days indeed.

Last Word On The Ale

With an early end to Day 5, we were able to hit the Woolpack Hotel & Lounge in Redfern (again).
Modus Operandi, Future Factory IIPA from a tin at 8.5%.
Hope Brewhouse DIPA from a tin at 9%.
Akasha Brewing Co. IPA from a tin at 7.2%.

Followed by a last night Tin Tidy Up in the room.
Sauce Brewing Co, Bubble & Squeak New England IPA at 6.5%.
Akasha Brewing Co, Pale Ale at 5.2%.

And, then, a gratuitous, we’ve already dropped the bags at the airport, it’s not really that far, sidetrip to Batch Brewing Co.
Batch Brewing Co, Double Rainbow Trippy Hippie's XXPA at 8.9%.
Batch Brewing Co, West Coast IPA at 5.8%.
Batch Brewing Co, Trippy Hippy Citra XPA at 5.2%.

And, FINALLY, number 510 on my all time list, number 176 on this trip. Singapore Airlines, out of Sydney, Australia. Serve Bentspoke Brewing (Canberra) tins on the plane. All Hail.
BentSpoke Brewing Co, Barley Griffin, Canberra Pale Ale at 4.2%.

Last word on the cricket

We are where we are. English pitches, conditions & the ball mean that bowlers who can get seam & swing movement will be successful. See Anderson. See Broad. The ball doesn’t move as much sideways with Australian pitches, conditions & the ball. So, Pace helps. See Starc. See Hazlewood. English bowlers will struggle in Australian conditions. Australian bowlers will struggle in English conditions. But - Pace. That pace will still give the Australian bowlers some advantage in England. Four nils is Australia. Two ones in England. Rinse & repeat. Across the piece, home advantage is the thing now - here, there, the sub-continent.

There’ll be words written. There’ll be Blather. There’ll be plans, initiatives, programmes. But, nowt will change for England. A non-revenue generating County Championship is inevitably marginalised. Wrong players at the wrong time of year in the wrong conditions. Peeps. Don’t kick against it. Don’t tear yourselves apart. Every four years we’ve got the “greatest show on Earth”. But, in between, we’ve got four men & a dog. Way it is.

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