Most of the game with nine men (allegedly)

Handsworth 4 v North Gawber Colliery 2 

Pre Season Friendly 

Wednesday 26 August 2020 

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Handsworth announced the crowd as 87. One of the Carrier Bag Firm did a head count from a static position. He made it 98. Impressive, simple organisation over at Handsworth. If you want to, you text them your name & number. When they get a second, they text you back. Confirming you're on the list of (in this case) max 150. You turn up. He (in this case) crosses you off, zaps your temperature with the handheld gizmo (Maplins would be making a fortune if they were still at it) and you're in. Free admission - with added donation bucket.

Forgive me. I'm building an idea of the levels. Handsworth are Step 5. North Gawber are at Step 7. But obvs. I don't know the players. So I don't know whether they're playing full strength. Anyway. Jeez. North Gawber started out of the blocks. I checked my watch. They opened the scoring in 32 SECONDS. And were two up inside ten. 

It was what proper reporters would call - a feisty affair. Or. As you & me would put it - there was a good bit of bollocks. One of those everybody in except one goalkeeper fracas. Ends with a North Gawberite Red Card. And, that weren't the last. They ended with NINE and ran out of steam a bit. I see that North Gawber Twitter have calculated that - with Sin Bins - they played 75% of the game with nine men. Good fucking job they scored early then!

Handsworth missed a penalty on 56. Still two down. By 75 mins, it was back level at two each. Then another penalty to Handsworth. Keeper sent off. My fellow Carrier Bagger called it. "If you've got no sub keeper, just put the lankiest kid in". Well. That was ignored. Some short, stocky lad looking dwarfed under the bar as the penalty was whanged past him for 3-2. Great entertainment though from two committed teams.

The Drink had been tagged on to Rishi Sunak Discount Day at The Kommune in Sheffield. Purchased from Hop Hideout it was….

Saint Mary's Of The Desert, Pinocchio Pilz on keg at 4.9%. (For some bizarre reason, it tasted stronger than that). Described as Saaz Hopped Pilsner Lager. However you describe it, it was glorious. Crisp. Hoppy. And full of flavour. Not overcomplicated. In yet another bizarre twist, the finish reminded me of an old days American, American Pale.

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