v Pakistan
Close on Day 1
Thursday 1 December 2022
Played at Rawalpindi
The Cricket
Odd day. No idea what to make of that. I think I'll just wallow in it. Got to make it count though. No point having a day like that and drawing.
Let's start at the end. Highest total of all time on an opening day. Stokes has boshed the first ball of the 75th for four. Just to set it all up. The third ball has gone down fucking town for six to break the record. The fourth mooohullerd through point to pass 500. The sixth bouncer ramped for four. The Umps have then brought them off for light - as Stokes was obvs not seeing it well enough!!!
The highest total on an opening day. Just four gone. And they've come off with FIFTEEN FUCKING OVERS left. Six hundred was possible.
Crawley had an 86 ball Ton by ten minutes after Lunch, the fastest by an England Test opener, and fourth fastest on the English list. Didn't last long as Brook the H had an 80 ball Ton by half four. FFS.
Duckett & Pope also with Centuries. Only Muhammad Ali went for less than six an over. With his 1 for 96 off 17. Saud Shakeel went for 30 off two. Including this fucker…
If only England had some at the crease and some on the chairs who could take this away from Pakistan tomorrow. You know, like Stokes, Brook and Livingstone. When Pope went at 462 (for 4), I was so, so unhappy that Stuart B isn't out here - that is NightHawk territory.
Some day that.
We were in hospitality. I'll make the disclaimer that I mean no harm to our hosts. Anyone who thinks I'm being xenophobic or racist, pull me up. But, I would like to report on the madness. My Lunch was served twenty minutes late at 12:20. My Tea was served one and a half hours early at 13:10. A new Lunch to Tea record of Fifty Minutes.
Some day that.
The Beer
Second Pakistan Beer Tick in the bag.
Murree Brewery, Classic Lager from a Tin at 5.5%
What can I say? Better than the earlier and stronger one. Less sugar sweet. And a vague attempt at a bit of balance.
The Tourism
We went to that mad flag lowering ceremony just outside Lahore. On the border between India and Pakistan. Have you seen it?
There is a road with a line. One side of that border line is India. The other, the side we were on, is Pakistan. Each side has a sliding gate. There is an Indian flag at the end of their gate. And a Pakistani flag on our gate. Each evening at sunset, the flags are lowered.
On each side of the border there are stands surrounding the road in a sort of half circle. Our seats and (unsafe) standing packed with people celebrating the Pakistan military and flag. Ditto the Indians on the other side. As the sun gets ever lower, MCs whip the crowds into a frenzy of nationalistic support.
But, FFS, the real show starts when the military get involved. Each side marches, very aggressively, towards the fence. Cheered on from the stands. Ridiculous, high kicking, tiller boys, marching. With pointing and - get the fuck out of here - gestures. And, the all important, beard stroking. The gates are opened as the Pakistani & Indian military face off with just the painted line separating them. The flags are lowered in a long choreographed sequence.
Just to put a smile on my internationalist face, there is even a handshake across the divide.
Part interpretive dance.
Part Monty Python.
Part Haka
Part me away at Leeds!!!
All choreographed to within a inch of it's life. A preening, who looks away first, best hat competition.
My Carrier Bag Firm companion further upped her celebrity status at the ceremony. Most of the men are respectful and realise they should not bug her for selfies. But, the younger girls want her in the frame. And entry into the flag ceremony was segregated by gender.
So, she became a selfie captive in the female queue. (A very willing & smiley captive I might add). After the ceremony, when we got back to the bus, teenage girls & younger women were waving at our bus. When I smiled back, they left me in NO DOUBT that I was second division. What they really needed was a wave & a smile from the confident feminist next to me. She also proclaimed the flag lowering ceremony as the Campest thing she's ever seen.
The Hypochondria
My name is Phil, I'm a Type II Diabetic.
Which in tourist Pakistan is not an easy thing to control by diet. Sugar is everywhere.
I am currently beyond the reach of weighing scales (for BMI measurement).
I have avoided the croissants and pastries at the buffet breakfast.
But, I had a mahoooosive run at the evening buffet in Islamabad. That included the desserts. Mahoooosive I'm saying.
In 2022, I average 10,664 steps a day.
We're here to tick Pakistani Beers.
I average NINE units of alcohol per week over the past 7 days.
And, my 30 day average units of alcohol is FIVE per week.
You can find ALL my previous Blogs at
Would you please consider subscribing (free) to have my Blog delivered to your email inbox (via Substack). Thank you.
You can find me on Social Media
Twitter @ball_sup
Untappd ball_sup
Stats
I have now Blogged from 1,178 games in 3,026 days
No comments:
Post a Comment