v New Zealand 306
England 79 for 2
Close on Day 2
Friday 17 February 2023
Played at Bay Oval, Mount Maunganui
New Zealand Beer Ticks 202
We've all let it run away from us a bit. Nighthawk. For the uninitiated, here's the Rationale and Implementation Statement. For a very long time, cricket has had the idea of a Nightwatchman batter. Towards the end of a very long day, maybe you've lost a few more wickets than you'd like, you're up against it a bit, you don't want to lose any more, you just want to come off, get home, and start again fresh in the morning.
But, fuck me, someone gets out. Now you just don't want to lose any more-erer wickets. Frankly, you've had enough. So, you send in a lower order batter, it doesn't matter too much if they get out, they're not as valuable to you. And, you tell them to try and face a lot of the balls left, but to just watch them pass, or pat them back. Keep everything safe until the morning - The Nightwatchman.
But, hold your high horses. No. No. No. That's not how England want to play the game. Where's the fun in that? Attack. Attack. Attack. Do a one eighty. Or at least come at it sideways. Bazball.
England do not want to keep everything safe from the intruders until the morning by having a man with a torch and a box of sarnies in a shed watching internet porn. They want to confront. They want to, well frankly, they want to be Tony Martin. (Dear reader, at this juncture, as you may not be my age, you should Google Tony Martin). Mr Martin, from Norfolk, divided opinion when he shot dead a burglar in his home (1999). And with an illegal gun at that.
Because of the controversy surrounding Mr Martin, they can't call the Batter they send out to take the bowlers on late in the day Tony Martin. So, they've decided on NIGHTHAWK. Me, I don't think that's too bad a name. Works quite well viz Nightwatchman.
And, oh to have been at the planning meeting.
"Who shall we have as our go to Nighthawk batter?"
(voice at back)
"Me Baz, me. I'll have a go"
"Who's that? Who said that? Rooty, Rooty, who said they'll do it? Who? I can't see."
"It's Stuart Fucking Broad Baz."
Stunned Silence descends into Stunned Silence. No words need to be spoken. Some tears in the room I'll grant you. But mainly an aura.
"That. Makes. Perfect. Fucking. Sense."
Great New Zealand fightback day. Mitchell went at 83 for 5. Padding up to Robinson with no stroke. But then, Blundell with a series of willing and able partners scored a deeelish 138 off just 181. He and his muckas looked like taking it to a Parity Party at one point, but he was last out, having a heave, at 306.
England got it together, but Crawley went at 68 for 2 off just 13.4 overs. It's a half nine walk off. Clock says maybe time for three overs max. McCullum, Stokes and nominal next Root are trying to quickly decide what to do. But, Nighthawk knocks them out of the way. He's now a Brand. We've all let it run away from us a bit.
Broad is hit in the ribs by Kuggeleijn first up. He has an almighty carve at Ball Two. Straight up. It's gonna hit Nighthawk on the head if it ever comes down. Blundell & Kuggeleijn leave it to each other. Fuck Sake. England have even taken a run while it's in the clouds. Nighthawk, and the ball, have landed. He's six off thirteen at the close.
I'm left thinking - I don't want my Nighthawk to be just six off 13. If his strike rate is not in triple figures what's the point?
Today's Beer
The main in ground offerings are from Boundary Road Brewery in Red Hill, Auckland. They're a subsidiary of Asahi. But, I suppose you've got to expect an Evil Empire brewery to be involved somewhere around an in ground beer. This one was lovely. Great balance. Nice bitterness towards the end.
Boundary Road Brewery, Haze Of Our Lives, Hazy Pale on Keg at 5%
Tales From The Taproom
Epic
230B Neilson Street, Onehunga, Auckland 1061
We, inadvertently, walked in on the birthday party of the Epic owner, Luke Nicholas. Very much a working warehouse feel. There were five keg lines up & running.
Another brooding Yorkshire English v Kiwi English lost in translation fiasco only narrowly avoided. I stared & stared at the pumpclip trying to read the name. My nous said…
"Fuck Sake, order it indistinctly with a flamboyant point."
"A pint of Loose Panties please"
I mumbled indecipherably.
I was, correctly, presented with
Epic, JOOSE PARTY, Hazy Pale on Keg at 5.3%
Also. Epic, Mountain Joose, Hazy IPA on Keg at 6.2%.
And, the best of t'Epics;
Epic, The Othership, West Coast IPA on Keg at 7.2%.
Columbus & Simcoe packed into a great beer, with the bitterness ever growing in the finish.
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