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Wednesday 15 July 2023
SUFC 2023/24 Game #2
Let's get the numbers out of the way first. Estádio António Coimbra da Mota is the 437th different ground upon which I've seen a football match played. And, it's the 232nd different ground I've seen a Sheffield United XI play on. My first new SUFC Tick since August 2022. And, as I write I've got on the outside of 86 different Portuguese Beers. I'm emphasing that is over a period of time. Not just on this trip. We're not savages.
Charlie's Heads Gone. Charlie is my mate's teenage son. He's been abroad many times with Mum & Dad. He's been abroad on Lads Holidays. But, he's never been abroad to watch the Blades before. So, obvs, he wanted to be where it was all happening and with all the others. I gently explained that where it was all happening was in the Pato Brewing Craft Beer Bar with the Carrier Bag Firm. Unbelievably, he felt there were better japes to be had. So, we compromised.
My part of the deal was that I would happily go in Euro Lager Bars and drink Super Bock with him. His part of the deal was that he, therefore, had to listen to me sing the sounds of EURO 2004.
"Super Bock, Superstar, Better By Far Than Stella Artois."
He soon got fucking fed up with that, so I won and he doesn't even realise.
I introduced him to the Wiz, a group of Blades. What? You've never heard of this gang called Wiz. That's because the Wiz is a state of mind. They partly kidnapped him and partly offered him a three match trial. The Wiz were riffing terrace anthems to fit new players and new situations. And Charlie fucking loved it. But, that is not why his Heads Gone. His Heads Gone because he went to Burger King for a Whopper and Meal Dealed it with a fucking Super Bock!!! His Heads Gone.
The Wiz had nailed the new Yasser Larouci ditty. Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie.
"Yasser, Yasser Larouci
"But I need a certain song
"Yasser, Yasser Larouci
"All night long…
And they'd got the main refrain for the everyone's hoping for it contract extension song for Iliman Ndiaye. Amy Winehouse - Rehab
"They tried to make me go to Marseille
"But I said No No No…
The Wiz wanted the next bit to be about Iliman preferring to stay in a Sheffield suburb, even though he'd earn less money. They were essentially trying to bust some rhymes based on Sheffield Council Estates.
"I'll stay on Arbourthorne, and earn less corn
"I'll stay in Nether Edge, with a smaller wedge
"I'll stay in Pitsmoor, even though I'll still be poor
It is my understanding that some of them are still in the ground now extemporising new versions. Scamps.
The main in ground issue for the Carrier Bag Firm was brought upon us by messages from our Data Centre once the two teams, one in each half, had been announced. Louie Marsh and Jili Buyabu were listed as Subs in each half. But, without numbers on the teamsheet. No No No. The CBF Archivist can't have that. So, our mission, which we had no option but to accept, was to track them down during the half time warm up, when they'd be wearing training tops and/or bibs, but not match shirts, and try to spot the numbers on their shorts. 11 and 33 if you're that fucking interested.
There was a Fan Zone serving beer behind the main stand. You had to queue up at one side to pay. And you bought a scrap of paper with a 1,2,3 or 4 written on it by the money taker. The number indicated the size of beer from 25 mil to a litre. Of course, the Carrier Bag Firm NEVER go anywhere without a little notepad and a biro. So, counterfeit beer tokens were rather easy to produce. So that system is fucked now. Anyway, the beer was Sagres, and that wasn't a new Tick.
For our Beer Ticks, we had #BigPlans to get the train and attack the Lisbon Beer District ™. But, "the scene" in Estoril/Cascais was so good, we had no need to go further. We picked off;
Deck Beer (Estoril), Cresmina 5% (Pilsner) & Sou Lima 4.8% (Limed Session IPA)
Perfect Peaks (Cascais), Golden Ale 4.5% & Red Ale 4.8%
Adamastor Cerveja Gigante (Parede), NEIPA Lagarto 6% & Sargo 5% (Blonde Ale)
Bah! Cascais Session IPA 4.1% & APA American Pale Ale 5.5%
And … Super Bock with Charlie.
But, our main effort was in;
Pato Brewing/The Crafty Cellar
R. Visc. Luz 12, 2750-414 Cascais
Although. We went there in the afts on Day One. To find it SHUT. Panic set in. So I called the number off Google Maps from outside. I forgot I was in Portugal, where people speak Portuguese. I even forgot the name of the pub I was actually stood outside. I don't know which party was more startled when the phone was answered.
"Errrr What time do you open Errrr. Do you speak English Errrr."
"Two Thirty each day"
"Thank you"
Panic averted. Thank fuck. Charlie wouldn't have wanted me drinking Super Bock with him all holiday!!!
The Board listed ten. Although the Algas Seaweed Ale was a guest from another brewery. (I've ticked that on a previous Portuguese trip). And, I am proud to say we ticked all nine of the Pato beers. Cue much bravado.
"There is no more Beer left on the Island."
"You have to drink them all."
"Done 'em. Tear the board off the wall, I've earned it, it's mine, I'm taking it home."
Charlie pronounced the Pato Brewing, Barbary Wonder, Pilsner on Keg at 4.5%
"Alright s'pose. Not as good as Super Bock."
However, the undoubted beer of the trip was;
Pato Brewing, Tamaki, Hazy IPA on Keg at 6.6%
Which, once we'd cleared the Beer Board, we gleefully drank long and hard into the matchday night. Dry hopped with Motueka & Rakau. Hoppy, potent, juice in perfect balance, lip smacking.
They were comfortable letting the trialist presumed to be Chris Francis take his turn in the middle of the back three. Big Mig Freckleton popped up at left centre back in the second half. He did well there. Harrison Neal doing the (Norwood role) front screen at defensive corners. With Dan The J in the zone.
Louie Marsh a bit better tonight, but still not fully confident in unleashing his turn with the ball skills. And very little from the Wiz on Louie Marsh song development I'm afraid. Will Osula bang at it again. One thought. Including with his back to goal as his very technical overhead kick rattled off the bar.
Look, I hear and understand United fans complaining about the lateness of the announcement for this game. And how flight and hotel prices had gone up. And I hear the difficulties some had in getting time off work at short notice. I hear that. And I empathise. I also hear some United fans who never, ever had any intention of getting to Portugal, moaning that they didn't go because of the late announcement. And they can fuck off. But, next year, do some contingency planning, give yourselves options, try to make it, with the CBF, and the Wiz. After all, you can get Super Bock in fucking Burger King.
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