Grudgeful Guard

Yorkshire 312 for 7

v Northamptonshire

County Championship Division Two

Friday 24 May 2024

Close on Day One

Played at Wantage Road, Northampton

The fucking trains, man.

Look. I don't drive. My lifestyle won't support that. So I use the trains a lot. While the whole system is mad. Multiple companies. Complicated tickets and conditions. You can make it work. But, it's just the grudgeful that fucking kills me.

The Carrier Bag Firm have turned up at Euston for the 0856 West Midlands Train to Birmingham New Street via Northampton. We've got Advanced Purchase Tickets. Valid on that train only. We know the drill. They keep them “cheap” by putting restrictions on. Not worth the hassle trying to Blag.

Except. The 0856 was on the board as CANCELLED. So, come at me with all your conditions. But I can't comply. The train doesn't exist. We were so much ahead of ourselves that the 0823 was still there. No ticket barrier. No manpower. So we hustled and jumped on that.

That's when Modern Britain began.

An endless cacophony on announcements. It's not the Guard's fault. Not blaming them. But, the grudgeful.

“Off Peak Tickets are not valid on this train. You need a train departing after eight forty five if you have an Off Peak Ticket.”

“If you are travelling on an Advance Purchase Ticket, it must be for the 0823 train. Any Advance Purchase Ticket for any other train is not valid on this train.”

“Tickets marked Avanti West Coast only are not valid on this train.”

“Oyster Cards and Contactless Cards are only valid on this train as far as Watford Junction. If you travel on this train further than Watford Junction using an Oyster Card you will be liable for a Penalty Fare.”

“If you are travelling on this train with an Off Peak, Advance Purchase, other Train Operating Company ticket, or Oyster and Contactless Cards out of Zone, you will be required to pay again, and charged the Full Fare for your journey. Penalty Fares may also apply. And Revenue Enforcement Officers may ask you to vacate the train.”

See. Fucking Grudgeful.

Reminder, the train I “have to catch” doesn't exist. Here she comes now…

“Morning, we're travelling on Advance Purchase Tickets. They're for the later 0856. But that's CANCELLED. So, we felt we had no option but to jump on this one.”

“No one has told me…”

“If your train is cancelled, you're supposed to catch the one AFTER the one you're booked on. Not the one before.”

“Ahhhh. Due to operating difficulties. I see your train is starting at Northampton today. So, I'll have to ask you to alight at Northampton, wait, and catch your booked train there.”

I kept a dignified silence while she went through the Grudgeful. No prizes for guessing what I was thinking though.

“No one has told you! Except I just fucking have. My train doesn't exist, you're willing to let me on another, so long as it makes me fucking late. You haven't even looked at my ticket TO NORTHAMPTON. Yet you're telling me to get off at Northampton and change there. Oh. Did I say? The toilet doesn't flush and the floor is already swimming in piss.”

It's not really her fault. This is what we have let happen. Grudgeful.

Very careful start by Yorkshire. Having been put in. Fin Bean went at 86 for 1. But that had taken 27.2 Overs. A superbly compiled Ton by Adam Lyth. He chipped one back to the Bowler to go back shaking his head for 109 off 205 balls. That was a nice looking 202 for 2 off 61 Overs.

“Did they press home that advantage Phil?”

“No. Stuttered along to 249 for 5. Then, seeming to have a bit of a dash at the New Ball, reeling a bit at 281 for 7.”

Revis & Thompson steadied it a bit so we could head to the Pub.

Maule Collective

4 Derngate, Northampton NN1 1UB

Great Brewery/Craft Bar. Centring on Maule Brewing Co beers. But with a neat guest list. I kept thinking the guests were a bit safe. Then I looked up and thought - no they're not, what are you thinking?

Maule Brewing Co (Northampton), Mozzatron, Pale Ale on Keg at 4.8%