Monday 15 July 2024

Don't Buy A Replica Shirt

BFC Dynamo 3 v Hansa Rostock II 1 
Friendly 
Saturday 13 July 2024 
Played at Sportforum Hohenschönhausen 
Ground Tick #498 
German Beer Ticks up to #148 

One of the Horrendous Lemons has become a bit of a mumbler. He's constantly planning things in his head. And, occasionally, he audibles them as little mumbles to reconcile and validate everything. You get used to it. It's actually rather endearing.

We've got off the tram for the walk up to Sportforum Hohenschönhausen for kick off. We're all chatting away. Complete bollocks. When I became aware of The Mumbles. Be summat about…

“If I get the train to Amsterdam at six in the morning tomorrow, I'll be in time for the flight, that's the ticket, jobs a good ‘un.”

no doubt.

Hang on. It's much shorter than that. And it's being repeated over and over. Like a mantra. Jeez. What's going on? Has he turned?

“Don't buy a Replica Shirt. Don't buy a Replica Shirt. Don't buy a Replica Shirt…”

We've bought the tickets. Had the pat down. Gone through the gate…

“Don't buy a Replica Shirt. Don't buy a Replica Shirt. Don't buy a Replica Shirt…”

I've immediately spied the BFC Dynamo clubhouse bar on my right. Dived in to check for Beer Ticks. Assessed the situation. Stuck my head out of the door.

“Steve. Do you want a Beer?”

“Yes please mate.”

Fuck Sake.

Now. You may be wondering why a replica BFC Dynamo shirt is even being contemplated, let alone implemented. Given that they play in Tier 4, Regionalliga Nordost. I mean, they're playing Hansa Rostock Reserves. Well. This is the Big One today for us in Berlin. This is Dynamo Berlin. Arguably the most successful club in East German football. Ten in a row league titles in the eighties. They've been European Cup (Champions League) Quarter Finalists twice.

In a recent Blog, I wrote about the Ministerium für Staatssicherheit, the State Security Service of East Germany. Commonly known as The Stasi. Essentially, The Stasi spied on and terrorised their own people. This is Dynamo Berlin. This is Stasi FC.

SC Dynamo Berlin were formed in 1954 as one of the elite sports clubs showcasing the Communist state in East Germany. The state simply transferred SG Dynamo Dresden and its place in the DDR Oberliga to Berlin. Franchised football - Eastie Style. In the mid 60s, there was a further reorganisation of East German football. And in 1966, that resulted in Berliner FC Dynamo becoming one of what we'd call ten Centres of Excellence.

Erich Mielke was made honorary president of BFC Dynamo. Mielke, “the master of fear” was Head of the Stasi!!!

As if that fucking wasn't enough, Dynamo were the official club of the Ministry of the Interior. And their official sponsors were the Volkspolizei, the VoPo were the national police force of the East German state.

“Ref. Ref. That's a Penalty.”

“I hear what you say. But, Dynamo are Stasi FC, the Ministry of the Interior, and the Rozzers. So I ain't giving it. Play On.”

FC Vortwärts Berlin were one of the successful teams in Berlin at that time. They were the team of the East German Army. Anyway. Stasi FC were having none of that. So, Vortwärts were franchised to Frankfurt an Der Order. Allowing Dynamo to take over their catchment area. And otherwise generally clearing the pitch in Berlin. 

Dynamo were drawn against Hamburger SV in the 1982/83 European Cup. For the home leg, The Stasi feared riots, political demonstrations and the “home” fans supporting Hamburg to make a fucking point. So, instead of letting Dynamo fans in under the normal loyalty points system, they packed the stands with East German Communist Party bigwigs who wouldn't know an overlapping Centre Back if they saw one.

Contract renewals were usually straightforward.

“Dear Fritz. We are hoping you'll sign for another year. Yours sincerely The Master of Fear at The Stasi.”

But Dynamo suffered at times as nibbles from elsewhere meant players leaving late in the Transfer Window. In the 1984/85 European Cup, drawn against Partizan Belgrade, Falko Götz and Dirk Schlegel went out shopping in Belgrade, found the West German Embassy, and defected the day before the game.

In the 1988/89 European Cup, Dynamo were drawn against West German Champions Werder Bremen. And they sensationally won the home leg 3-0. However, they lost the away leg 5-0 to go out. Now, I know what you're thinking.

“Phil, how come they were on fire in the first game, but absolutely shit in the return leg?”

“I'm afraid I can only repeat the rumours. The Stasi made sure the Dynamo players were sorted for Wizz in East Berlin. But decided not to smuggle any across the border for the second leg.”

Stasi FC, right there…

As you can imagine. The fall of the Berlin wall. The dissolution of the East German State. And the exposure of the horrors of the Stasi hit BFC Dynamo hard. There were temporary name changes to distance themselves from their Stasi history. The club had become a focus for disillusioned football fans. And a violent hooligan scene had developed. An 18 year old fan, Mike Polley was shot dead by police during a big dooo away at Sachsen Leipzig!!!!

Dynamo continued to fall down the pyramid. Crowds were low. Sponsors were put off by the Hooligan association. Years and years of financial turmoil. And here we are. 

Frankfurter Brauhaus, Frankfurter Pilsener at 5.2%

Recap. Don't buy a Replica Shirt. Check out the clubhouse. And lo. There was beer tick in there.

Another ramshackle on three sides ground for my 498th tick. Over on the far side, the single Hi-Vizzed steward was feeding some ducks.

Dynamo took the lead on 25. Hansa Twos equalised as the second half started. But Dynamo goals on 53 and 62 won it. Steve puffed his Replica Shirt out.

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