The MarsUla Show

Sheffield United U21 7 v Colchester United U21 1 

Professional Development League North 

Tuesday 2 May 2023 

Played at Bramall Lane 

SUFC 2022/23 Game #68 

Bacup Borough 2 v Ellesmere Rangers 0 

North West Counties Football League, Edward Case Cup Final (Step 6) 

Monday 1 May 2023 

Played at The Cleric Stadium, home of Congleton Town 

No Beer Blog.

What a put a smile on your face game that was at The Lane. Forget who is ahead of who in the pecking order. Forget who has potential. Two United strikers. Playing at "their current level", at the top of their game. Both grabbing hat tricks. Will Osula and Louie Marsh - I've listed them in teamsheet order for convenience.

I've got Marsh as twenty two U21 goals this season. League and Cup. Osula - 11 goals from only 8 appearances. And one of the pleasing things today was how often they combined. In no particular order.

On 16, Will was strong on the left, shimmying the defender, before hitting a left foot cross low to the near post, Louie controlled it perfectly with his first touch and swiveled to blast it home. One Nil.

On 32, Will was involved in winning the ball in the build up, Louie and Sai Sachdev did the old one two triangle and Louie completed his hat trick. Three Nil.

On 56, a very intelligent ball from Louie played Will in, he was deliciously greedy, thunderbastard shot, and I'm convinced the keeper dived out of the way for survival. Will's second that. Five One.

Will completed his own hat trick on 78. Have a look at the footage when it is posted on the official site. I'm sure you'll agree with me. Louie and Will each touch it a minimum of fifteen times in the penalty area interplay. Before Will bangs it home. Six One. (I am, of course, making the exaggerated point that - there was a lot of close interplay between those two fuckers in the build up).

Both Louie and Will also bagged one Non-MarsUla-Goal each to keep us all on our toes. On 54, Will killed off a poor defensive pass, and just slotted it in. Four One.

And, maybe the best of the lot. On 28, Louie turned on the spot, on the fucking spot I'm saying, piro fucking uette, on the edge of the box, and curled it right footed into the top corner. Two Nil.

Louie was subbed off on 75. He'd completed his hat trick roughly forty fucking minutes before that. Fernando Macedo coming on. To me, he looks like he's developing physically now. Got that strength in the hips and arse bulk thing going on. Nando has hit the bar within a minute of coming on. And, just a minute later, centre centre back Levis Pitan has been freed on the left, he squares it beautifully for Fernando to role home for Seven One.

Macedo's family, (couldn't see their Brazilian flag today), went garrity. One of them "broke through" into the Director's Box. A waving and a cheering. An overzealous steward ran to usher her back to the cheap seats. Fuck Sake.

Louie Marsh can run towards the man with the ball. Back to goal. Take an accurate pass. One touch it. And be facing goal. In a blink.

Will Osula is a Greedy Striker. Head down, run.

United dominated. Chance after chance. I could write more. Won't. One more league game. Then on to the National Play Offs.

Congleton Town's Cleric Stadium is my 427th ground tick. A healthy nigh 600 crowd for what is the NCWFL Cup for First Division (Step 6) teams. Bacup Borough brought fans on buses. They'd come for a good time. They'd come to win the cup (did). They'd come to get pissed (did). A bit too much banal baiting of the opposition players from the big lads for my taste. The young lads in the shed were a banging and a singing. They put the Pyro up after the opening goal on just 12 minutes. Poor effort in a way. Looked like they'd only brought one and I'd describe it as an insipid grey affair. 

But, your town goes one up in the cup final, the Pyro is going up, no mistake. Nothing pyrowise after the second goal, a penalty, and red card for the offender on 75.

Wild celebrations followed on the whistle.

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Who Put The Hops In The Hop

Bacup Borough 6 v St Helens Town 1 

Nelson 3 v Chadderton 1 

North West Counties Football League 

First Division North 

Padiham 1 v Ashton Athletic 5 

Barnoldswick Town 0 v Avro 2 

North West Counties Football League 

Premier Division 

Saturday 5 March 2022 

Ilkley Town 0 v Garstang 0 

North West Counties Football League 

First Division North 

Sunday 6 March 2022 

Tale Of The Ale

Right. Let's find out who put the Hop in the Hop. (Disclaimer, I only did 5 of the possible 7 games)

Three teams (Bacup Borough, Padiham & Barnoldswick Town) had traditional clubhouse bars.

One team (Bacup Borough) had a recognisable, branded Craft Keg beer.

One team (Padiham) had a hand pulled cask, Real Ale.

Three teams (Padiham, Barnoldswick Town & Ilkley Town) had bottles of beer from smaller, independent & local breweries.

I'm afraid Nelson were the odd one out. A clubhouse of sorts, but not a real bar, and only cans from the major brands.

The Deets

Lagunitas Brewing Co, DayTime IPA on Keg at 4% in the Bacup Borough clubhouse

Reedley Hallows (Burnley), New Zealand Pale on Cask at 4.5% in the Padiham clubhouse

Prospect Brewery (Wigan), Silver Tally, Golden Ale from a bottle at 3.7% from the Barnoldswick Town bottle bar

Ilkley Brewery Co. Blonde from a bottle at 3.9% from the Ilkley Town bottle bar

All four of those were new Beer Ticks for me. And all five grounds were new Ground Ticks for me. Pushing my ground ticks to 387. That, my son, is what a successful weekend looks like.

So, GroundHop. A group of lovely anoraks organise with leagues & clubs for staggered kick off times over a weekend. They sell the idea to leagues & clubs as a way of boosting their attendance, programme sales, badges & merchandise sales, pie, chips & burger sales and, our very good friend BEER SALES.

They then sell the idea to punters of all descriptions, but essentially of the ground & game ticking persuasion. They lay on a hotel & a coach. And encourage other groups like the Carrier Bag Firm to "do it independently".

Man, they cram it. This one was a Hop around the North West Counties Football League. One game Friday. Four, yes Four, on the Saturday. And two on Sunday. Realistically, you can't do it by bus & train. So, you need a Designated Driver.

On about 80 minutes, the Hoppers start gathering near the exit gate. Initially, it's like the start of the Le Mans 24 hour race. Football nerds waddling, limping, occasionally striding to their motors. SatNavs already set. No time to take your coat off. In n Off. Get your seat belt on at the first lights.

Then, from that Le Mans start, it's deffo straight into Wacky Races. As mechanical veeehicular transport of all hues rockets off to the next ground in a ramshackle convoy. I'll tell you, it's a glorious sight to behold. On the final Saturday leg from Nelson to Barnoldswick the route was up, then further up, on ever narrowing country roads. Some poor civilian fucker needed to turn right onto it, into the flow of geekmobiles. His face. Quietest road in the County. From nowheresville to the environs of nowhere. And, it's suddenly the M25.

The Armies

Best named army & flag go to the marvellous Sewer Army at Barnoldswick Town. If you take their word for it - they've conquered all the Chippies.

The Firms

Most boisterous firm goes to Avro. An extravagant one man Pyro Tifo. Although they need to wind the casual sexism to the female linesman back. A long way back. Wind it to non fucking existent Lads n Lasses (yes Lasses as well). Tannoy announcements said the same using different language. The Avrovians were Banter Specialists. The varmints. As I walked in front of their stand they greeted me with….

"Does your Care Home know you're here?"

FFS

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