Worse than Ball Tampering

England 303 all out
v South Africa 214 all out
England 172-3
close on Day 3

Monday 28 December 2015

Kingsmead, Durban

58 South African Beer Ticks

Twitter @ball_sup

Ball Tampering

An incident today shows how far we've fallen. During the England innings, the Umpires changed the ball. On their own account. They were not hassled by the South Africans. Indeed, while they were doing it, Amla seemed very concerned as to what was going on & why.

My antennae twitched. Hint of ball tampering. The journalists present barely mentioned it in real time (for eg Twitter). But, it appeared to be cleared up at the end of day presser.

Apparently, the South Africa team manager explained that the match referee told him the ball was changed because it was damaged hitting an LED advertising board.

Phew. A ball tampering scandal averted. Except.

FFS we appear to think it's alright for the Sponsors Advertising Boards to damage the Ball. You know. The Ball. The Sacred Ball. You get one every 80 overs. It's precious. But, hey, the game stealing Bastards pay a fortune. So, their Shit can damage anything it can afford.

Soul Sold.

Saffer Beer Antics

Right. Let's deal with the drinking. Some of the younger Saffers are bang at it. The (SA) Sunday Times even had a minor by-line. “Drunken Debauchery Marks Durban Test”. I'm not quite sure what was happening. At one stage on Day 1, the bars were shut for a period on Police advice.

Boxing Day is a big one. Clearly some of ‘em have just come for a drink up. You can get on the Grass Banks for 4 quid. Or in the stands for six. So, that's low damage if you don't see a ball bowled.

A group of fellas behind me did three things all day. 1 drink. 2 sing some inane “Tell Me You Love Me” type dirge to any female who walked past. 3 form a circle and sing “There's an (insert profanity) in the Ring” “tra la la la la etc” “he looks like he needs a drink” …. matey in the middle downs in one. Repeat.

Very low attention span in general. Push past some older English tourist as 2nd ball of over is bowled. Sit down. Back up again as the 5th ball hits the Keeper's gloves. Things On Springs.

As is the norm. There's nothing beer wise to interest me. Castle Lager, Hansa Pilsener, Castle Lite. I've ticked all them. And there's Miller & Carling Black Label.

But. Their choice of vessel & volume. Epic. You can get your Castle in your regular 330ml can. Or you can Supersize to your 440ml can. If you prefer your keg draft. You can get that in your routine half litre/500ml plastic glass.

But. Oh no. Your cuddly Saffer’s nose is turned up at those. Because, She & He are going, every time, rain or shine, for the Classic Two Litre Jug. Gotta love ‘em.

And, the more delicate may occasionally decant from the Jug into glasses. But, let there be no mistake, the preference is TO DRINK FROM THE JUG.

If you really must have only 500ml, and from a glass, there is no need to visit the Bar. Look out for the younger lady wearing white plimsolls, a white vest & a very short white skirt. Er, with a Red Balloon floating above her head. And carrying a water spray bottle (like you use in the garden). She will be flitting & flirting up and down the aisles. She will happily take your Rand. And her lovely Male assistant will give you a lager from the tray he is carrying. If her attire gets you hot and bothered, she'll cool you down with a spray from her water bottle. A few lucky punters even get a free Castle Lager Sunhat.

Sexist nonsense. Although, the young ladies do come in many ethnic guises. Rainbow Sexism. You heard it here first.

Like Ball Suppers the World Over. As soon as the Saffer has had some jugs. He/She wants to do all the Shit they can't. Smoke were you can't. Go in the Stand you ain't got a ticket for. Climb on things. You know the drill.

They are very fond of making a mobile call, to their mate in the other stand. And the phone clearly won't work if they're seated. Indeed, they'll get a better signal if they stand on their seat.

It is not necessary to tell their mate “I'm at Third Man to the right hander batting at the Umgeni End”. Much, much better to wave so that he can see you.

The Cricket

Tale of the Tape there. 261 ahead. 7 in the shed. Including take the game away from them mongers Stokes & Bairstow. Make no mistake. England must have played well to get to that position.

Steyn’s got some shoulder problem. SA have shelled catches. But, must have played well. Failures for Cook & Hales. Compo gave it away. But the 89 lead chiselled out by the Bowlers. Priceless.

We know what will happen. Either they'll be bowled out. Or all the experts will say he's left the declaration too long. Play sensibly first hour. Try to get through the New Ball. Might be 330 ahead at Lunch.

Press on. Try and get at them for an hour tomorrow night. I feel England are well in it.

The Beers

The Standeaven Brewery, Lager X from a bottle at 4.5%.

Toti Brewing Co., Toti Gold from a bottle at 5.8%. Great beer. Mandarin orange. Sweetens on the lips. Crisp & refreshing.

Toti Brewing Co., Winkle Weiss from a bottle at 5%. A touch sour. But nice coriander & gentle spice tones. Banana in the mix.

255/524