Step Forward Some Idiots

Crystal Palace U18 0 v Sheffield United U18 0
Under 18 Professional Development League
Friday 16 August 2019
Played at Dulwich Hamlet

SUFC 2019/20 Game 11

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I “pre wrote” the introduction to this Blog on the train down to London on the morning of the match. But, because of events, I’ve had to ditch it & start again. The day before the game, Crystal Palace put out the following statement on their website;

“This game will be played behind closed doors, with only family members of the players involved allowed access into the stadium.”

Sigh……. Not the first time, won’t be the last. But, that is a pretty draconian statement. The Carrier Bag Firm put The Plan into operation. The host ground, Dulwich Hamlet, were contacted. A football Agent was contacted. Reach outs were made to contacts in the SUFC Media Department. Academy players were contacted. Shivers ran down my spine about that day at Wycombe where I’d pretended to be Jake Eastwood’s Dad. Only to discover that the person stood next to me & the steward was indeed, Jake Eastwood’s Dad. Finally, cold calls were telephoned in to Shirecliffe.

At 8:10pm the night before, we felt that we HAD been added to any necessary guest list. And, we relaxed a bit. One of the Baggers had an 0650am Coach to catch at Meadowhall on match day.  Kick off was 2pm. The plan was hatched for the Carrier Bag Firm to travel in drib & drab to the ground via Denmark Hill. Rendezvous outside the ground. All try to get in together. Strength in numbers. Nice & polite. No one to lose their rag with the steward. The text messages started pinging at 1236pm. Just under 90 minutes to kick off. Here we fucking go…..

“At the ground now and there’s a gate open. No one on it yet, but they probably don’t think some idiot is going to get here 90 mins early”

Step Forward Some Idiots……

My original Blog introduction was going to recognise that Crystal Palace had probably helped us out by putting us on a list. I’d imagined we’d approach a single door. To be greeted by a uniformed Palace official with a clipboard. “Good afternoon, we’re expecting to be on the guest list”. I wanted this Blog to be respectful towards Palace & how they’d helped us out. Ditch the usual irreverent piss taking. Didn’t happen…..

Dulwich Hamlet FC (Champion Hill) is the 222nd different ground I have seen a Sheffield United XI play on. As the game was played strictly behind closed doors, I entered via the main access gate, the one the ambulance drives through. At Half Time, I left the ground through that same gate. And, re-entered the ground through the Player’s & Officials Entrance. You know. Just because I could. From my seat, I had a perfect view of Gate B. Next to the “Toilets Opposite Stand”. You could also drive a truck through Gate B. Gate B was also wide open for this strictly behind closed doors game. There is a large Sainsbury’s on the same access road as the Dulwich Hamlet ground. I reckon a dozen or so shoppers, passing the open gates, seeing a game going on, stuck their head in for a look at what was happening & sat down for a few minutes. Did I mention, that game was strictly behind closed doors.

Gentle reader, let there be no misunderstanding. I have never been at any game, anywhere where it was easier to get in. 

That was one of those thoroughly enjoyable nil nils. The U18s set up with a conventional four at the back. Jake Kelly popped up at right back. We’re more used to him wide right midfield/attack. Maybe he was accommodating (presumed trialist) Theo Williams out wide right. Incidentally, that gives us two T Williams - Tom lining up as a twin centre back with Nicksoen Gomis. Andre Brooks at left back. Viggars & Ackroyd up top. Maguire & Neal anchoring midfield, with Capello roaming. Jake’s twin Sam Kelly betwixt sticks.

On balance, I felt United were the better team. Particularly in the first half. But, Palace did have their chances. It was magically mental towards the end. Both teams chucking the lot at it. Palace hit the bar. Goal line clearances, Fingertip saves. Desperate last ditch blocks by defenders. Big Lad centre halves being chucked forward. Appeals for penalties. Superb entertainment.

Andre Brooks was my Eye Catcher today. Left back in a conventional four, but not afraid to get forward either. He got a brilliant Del Geary Moment on 24 minutes. Raiding down the left & linking with Capello - “get at ‘em Son, go and enjoy yourself” - this Club……

On 59 minutes, Brooks got a great block in to deny Palace a goal as they came into it stronger. Just three minutes later, he left the keeper stranded with a superb long range chip which came back off the bar.

Andre wasn’t the only one. Frankie Maguire put in a couple of excellent turns in midfield. Very quick footwork dragging the ball away from challenges & losing his man. He could/should have scored in that last ten minute mayhem, the Palace keeper making a great save. Capello put a great shift in. Working hard. Tracking back. Putting tackles in. Lovely to watch from a kid who is essentially a flair player. His fast, whipped balls in creating a constant threat from Viggars & Ackroyd.

It wasn't all one way traffic though. United had a lot of the ball. But, I felt Palace actually had the better chances. On 30, they had a flowing move down their right, a lovely ball in to the near post, knocked just wide by their striker. Just three minutes later, they had a great shot which flashed across Sam Kelly’s goal. And only a great beat it out save by Sam on 70 kept it level. Finally, they hit the bar in that last five scramble. Remember - a thoroughly enjoyable nil nil. 

I’m a big fan of Brew By Numbers. I was familiar with their Bermondsey Taproom. But, it was only while I was roaming around East Dulwich that I realised they have a Barrel Store Taproom in a railway arch off Bellenden Road in Peckham. Rude not to. Standard setup. Stark painted white arch interior. Trestle tables. Bar front down the bottom, with barrels behind. Not only, but also. They had a Fuerst Wiacek (Berlin based gypsy brewers) tap takeover in the offing. I ordered a Fuerst Wiacek Fido, Hoppy India Pale Lager. The fella was struggling, not much coming out, all head, staring & fiddling. He went behind the barrels to eyeball the keg & kit. Came back. Same routine. I was a little nervous - you know what mate, I’ll have summat else, it’s not like there’s not enough to go at. (I stopped counting at 20).

Fifteen later, he came around collecting empties - “did you hear that?” - “the keg you ordered started making a loud hissing sound, and has basically exploded…..”

It was difficult to split the three I had in there;

Brew By Numbers, 05 India Pale Ale, Idaho 7 & Azacca at 6%
Fuerst Wiacek, Over The Moon (American IPA) at 6.8%. Because of the mix of Hops (dry hopped with Mosaic, Loral & Idaho 7), I found that unusual but very pleasant. The dry hopping made the bitterness come in quickly, quite spicy, bordering on ginger.
Fuerst Wiacek, No Fun (American IPA) at 6.8%. Dry hopped with Simcoe Cryo, Mosaic & Chinook.

Stats
I have now Blogged from 831 games in 1,823 days