There's No Showers Either

Maltby Main 1 v Worksop Town 0 

Step 5 v Step 4 Pre Season Friendly 

Saturday 29 August 2020 

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Crowd announced as 149 this afts. Remember, it's a 150 limit as we're still in August. So. I'm gonna act like The Go-Go's & Fun Boy Three on that one.

The Carrier Bag Firm like to get around on their adventures. They like a drink. And, they have to save every penny for eBay auctions of obscure Teamsheets & Match Worn Shirts. They are also famously inclusive & eco friendly. Consequently, none of them can drive nor afford a car. Public Transport. Upon which in South Yorkshire, masks have become a Thing Of The Past. Public Transport is key to the effectiveness of the CBF.

Name a better place for leaving the ground & catching the Bus than Maltby Main's Muglet Lane. I'll wait……

Let me explain with this graphic. The game kicks off at 3pm. The Magical X1, Maltby to Sheffield Bus is timed at 1645pm. Time. Is. Tight. Fear not. You can stand bang near the Player's Gate. Near the corner flag. Marked A on the graphic. Happily watching the game. Until you first see the X1 as it appears over the diagonal opposite corner flag. At point B on the graphic. Saddle Up. The Bus then meanders behind the goal on it's inevitable circumnavigation of Muglet Lane. The conveniently placed adjacent Cricket Square & three more stops, slow the X ONE down enough for the CBF to gracefully waddle to the Bus Stop (C on the graphic) in plenty of time. Arm out. Mask on. Dig out South Yorkshire Romper from the Precious Bag. Taking great care not to crease The Programme. We're On Our Way. FFS that should be made a Standard League Requirement.

I felt that was a deserved win for Maltby. Lots of movement. Particularly out wide. Target man. With runners looking for the flicks. Although it was competitive. And, they didn't completely dominate. I felt they were much the better side. There had been some "strong' tackles from early doors. And a bit of in your face fun. It kicked off royally on 68. Eyeballs out. All in. Which ended with a Maltbyarianite rolling about on the deck clutching his head. But. Mainly rolling.

The Maltby Ultras were in NO doubt who the villain was.

"Eleven. Eleven. He's got to go. He's got to go"

Loud? All I'm saying is people were looking up from their phones on the circling X1 wondering what the fuck was happening. The Ref agreed. Red Card. And. Then. Ultra One has only gone and dragged the Covid-19 Social Distancing Changing Room Square Footage Protocols into his abuse as Worksop Eleven has trudged off.

"There's no showers either".

Not helpful Young Man.

By that time, Maltby were one up. A breakaway. My main reaction after the ball was rolled across & knocked in was that he'd been fouled twice in the build up. A trip. And a check. But he's stuck on his feet & got his reward.

I see the Maltby Miners Welfare Club has gone now. Windows boarded up. Front overgrown. Graffiti prevalent. Gone. The drink was in The Queens Hotel 'spoons up the road.

Acorn Brewery, Eureka IPA on cask at 5%.

On first schlurp, I thought that was going to be a tough ask. It took an age to clear. It was very powerful. And natch, all about that Hop. Once I got into it, I began to really enjoy it. It was just incredibly fruity. Very rich. And the bitter was very late.

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