Tuesday, 22 November 2022

I Have Become An Algorithm

Yorkshire Amateur 2 v Hallam 3 
NCEL Premier Division 
Wednesday 16 November 2022 

Hallam 1 v Winterton Rangers 2 
NCEL Premier Division 
Saturday 19 November 2022 

Sheffield United U21 2 v Bristol City U21 1 
Premier League Cup, Group E 
Monday 21 November 2022 
Played at Bramall Lane 
SUFC 2022/23 Game #34 

I have become an Algorithm. Very few want to admit they've reached these depths of Carrier Baggery. Let us begin by considering the evolution of a Ground Ticker. 

Maybe you didn't set out to tick grounds. Maybe you just set out to watch your club play games. But, before you know where you are, you can no longer count the grounds on your fingers and toes. And, there's the weird ones you went to on holiday. (Saturday 28 August 1976. Scarborough v Bangor City, at the old McCain Stadium, 2-3). How will you remember those? For a long, long time you trust your memory. Oh yes, I vividly remember going to so and such.

Then. You "might" discover unsustainable levels of alcohol. I know I did. And, you'll get a little older. Then, you can't really be sure. About anything. The fork in the road comes to us all.

"Leave It, Or List It"

You have to decide whether you're gonna leave it & you're never going to be interested at any point in the future about how many, and which, grounds you've been to. Or. Fag Packet. Beer Mat. Whatevs. Make. A. List.

Fundamentally, you're choosing to either be in the Carrier Bag Firm. Or be a fucking Civilian.

"Don't Choose Life"

Of course, if you're proper CBF, you'll want to exploit the latest technology. The ground list needs to go on a computer. Digitise it. Fuck Sake. Put it on a SPREADSHEET. In those days, we were living the Ground Tick Dream. You could sort it alphabetically. You could search for a tenacious did I/didn't I ground lost in lager. Colour coding. The lot.

The next tick on the evolutionary march was The Web. Your list lives "upstairs" somewhere. I went with;

www.footballgroundmap.com

Get 'em all on. Audit against the spreadsheet. Audit against the handwrittens. But. D'ya know what. There were SIX fucking grounds I'd been to which I could never find on that site. Maybe I didn't look hard enough. Maybe I was looking in the wrong place. But, for years, my Ground Tick number was whatever it said on that website PLUS SIX. Hybrid. Manual, Sub-Optimal. Work Intensive.

So, as I became more aware of the Futbology App, I couldn't help but wonder.

"Are the missing six on the App?"

"Might I be able to finally get the Ground Tick count in one automated place"

There they were;
Krylbo IP
Engvallen IP
Hanigser-Stadion
The Training Pitch at the National Stadium in Malta
St Georges Park, Graves
Estadio Jose Burgos Quintana

So, the subscription was paid. Get all the grounds on Futbology. Audit against the website. Which has already been audited against the spreadsheet. Which has already been audited against the back of the envelope.

Now. The best part about ground ticking is not the going. It's the arguing. Arguing about what counts as a tick and what doesn't. Fucking years of endless & pointless FUN. The Carrier Bag Firm even created the GITs - Ground Inventory Taskforce to sort out disputes.

One of main disputes is always rebuilds. Arsenal built The Emirates on a new site. And moved there from Highbury. Two Ticks. Sheffield United renovated Bramall Lane in stages, on roughly the same footprint, and played there continuously. One Tick. 

But, Tottenham Hotspur moved out of their old stadium. PLAYED SOMEWHERE ELSE for a while. Completely rebuilt the stadium on roughly the same footprint. And moved back there.

Ditto England at Wembley. Ditto Ireland at Lansdowne Road. Of course, everyone forgets Bournemouth. Who also moved out of their old stadium. PLAYED SOMEWHERE ELSE for a while. Completely rebuilt the stadium on roughly the same site. (Turned it 180 as I recall). And moved back there.

Is it one Tick for each of Spurs, Wembley, Lansdowne Road, Dean Court? Or Two?

The Carrier Bag Firm GITs ruled just One Tick for each. So, that's what the handwrittens, spreadsheets, and website lists counted.

But. But. But. The Futbology App counts Old Wembley Stadium (Demolished) & Wembley Stadium as Two Ticks. Counts White Hart Lane (Demolished) & Tottenham Hotspur Stadium as Two Ticks. Counts Lansdowne Road (Demolished) & Aviva Stadium as Two Ticks. And FFS, counts the Vitality Stadium (Bournemouth) as just One Tick.

In the main, that is against the GIT guidelines. And increased my ground tick count on Futbology by three overnight.

The GITs were adamant.

"You know how you used to add SIX to your footballgroundmap count"

"You'll now have to subtract THREE from your FUTBOLOGY count"

Fuck that. No. Just fuck that. We can't go back there. We can't go manual count again. Got a bullet pal? Let me have a bite.

My ground tick count is now what Futbology says it is. Spurs, Wembley, Lansdowne Road, warts n all. For convenience, I'll accept the Futbology Algorithm.

"I have become an algorithm."

I mention that evolution of a ground ticker because I'm announcing Yorkshire Amateur, Southerns Stadium, as my 406th Ground (algorithm method).

Keen readers of this Blog will recall I previously announced SSD Pro Sesto at Stadio Breda as my 406th.

Sigh.

The Futbology audit also revealed that England 1 v Soviet Union 3 (at the 88 EUROs) and England 1 v Paraguay 0 (at the 06 World Cup) were both played at the same fucking Frankfurt Waldstadion. I had previously believed them to be two different grounds. Hence, I had to reduce my count by one - and pass the 406 milestone twice.

But, let's drink to better times. In an - I love my life - moment, I had a completely random stumble across…

Canned Heat Beers
223 Chapeltown Rd, Leeds LS7 3DX

on my walk up to 406. Mad gaff. One door leads into both the bar and the household paint & tile shop. To go for a piss you have to walk through the paint shop (closed at this time of night).

There were three on Keg. But, no beer ticks there for me. So…

Track Brewing Co (Manchester), From Above, Mosaic and Nelson Pale Ale from a Tin at 4.1%

Some grapefruit. Softens out a bit. Thin in the mouth.

My name is Phil, I'm a Type II Diabetic.
My BMI is 24.7.
I have not eaten any biccies, sweeties or cake since my last Blog.
I have now completed Couch to 5k - three 30 minute runs in the past week.

In 2022, I average 10,588 steps a day.
I average SEVEN units of alcohol per week over the past 7 days.
And, my 30 day average units of alcohol has fallen to just THIRTEEN per week. (As some earlier heavy days drop off).

Anyway. Until the next 406th ground. See ya.

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