Vorbereitungsturnier Holsterhausen
Tuesday 9 July 2024
Played at Sportplatz An Der Wiesenstrasse, Herne
Ground Tick #496
German Beer Ticks up to #135
Add details in the comments if this has ever happened to you. Because, the Carrier Bag Firm have had a logistical first today. Following the win against la Suisse on Saturday, we had a rather gentle transfer from our gaff in Düsseldorf to our two night, in n out, surgical strike stay in Dortmund.
An hour an’ half on the absolute Rattler. Stopping all stations. No one in their right mind would get that one. So, there's plenty of room for our “been away from Sheffield since 5 June” big bags. You know the drill. Supposed to be out of one hotel by eleven bells. And not supposed to check in to the next until three in the afts. Time to kill. Take the slow roads.
Chain hotels can be your friend on these occasions. Easy to book on your App. Try and get one you can cancel in case the football goes South. All the rooms are the same in all their hotels. You know what you're getting and where the toilet is.
Despite the slow train, we rocked up to our hotel driveway about one pm, two hours early. That rocking up occurred at;
ibis Budget Hotel, Dortmund West
We booked that with our eyes open. But, Lütgendortmund, the suburb, was nicer than we expected. And the hotel was set back from the main drag. Maybe offering a bit more peace and quiet than we'd anticipated.
There was a Cherry Picker on it's blocks just outside reception. And a skip in the yard. And all manner of cardboard boxes chucked about. And the building itself looked like it needed a little love. But, it looked like every ibis Budget in the world. For the moment…
There was a helluva lot of activity and personnel at the postage stamp sized reception desk. And some of the responses I was getting as I politely tried to check in early were baffling.
As a side note, former Liverpool and Ireland great Ronnie Whelan was also being dealt with at reception.
Slowly. Slowly. It began to dawn on me what was happening. The hotel was changing brands, changing ownership, changing systems, changing management in real time. As I stood there. It was being rebranded from ibis to B&B Hotels (another chain).
The Cherry Picker was taking the ibis sign down off the roof. And putting the B&B sign up. Old branded stuff was being carted into the skips. And loads of new kit was being shipped out of the cardboard boxes.
I couldn't be checked in until the ibis servers had been removed. The ibis PC unplugged. And even the ibis Credit Card machine replaced. All replaced by brand spanking new B&B gizmo.
Once they'd done all that, they were very proud to tell me I was the very first guest checked into;
B&B Hotel Dortmund West
I had literally arrived at the hotel when it was owned by one chain. And checked into it when it was owned by another chain.
Anyway. You should have seen the fucking confusion when I had a beer later.
We had schlepped out to Wanne-Eickel for a bit of CBFing and avoiding of the Spain France game. But. Distinct beer desert vibes. In the end, hot day, we went to one of those Kiosk Thingys. Couple of leaning tables on the pavement. Guvnor is behind a counter. Peer through the window at him. He's got a push button coffee machine. Fridge with bottles of water, 500s of pop. All the lottery tickets. Ciggies. Kit Kats. Paprika crisps. And bottles and tins of beers.
“Two beers please. We'll have those there. With the red logo. Yep.”
“Paderborner? Nichts Gut.”
“No bother. We'll have ‘em they're ticks. And we've supped all the other ones I can easily see. Can you knock the tops off for me, bitte.”
He's reluctantly passed me two bottles of what he clearly believes to be shit beer. Took Euros two an half of me. Opened them. And given me a look. My Carrier Bag Firm companion had got a right thirst on. So she's leaning on a table. Piling in. You know what he says to me? Kiosk Klaus? He says
“Nein. Nein. Nein. Trinken Verboten Hier. No drink here.”
He's got my full Teutonic What The Fuck look.
“You must move 50 metres away to drink.”
“Why didn't you fucking mention that at any point during the stages of transaction Bruv?”
In the end, we've sheepishly drunk the bottles in the ground.
Paderborner Brauerei, Paderborner Pilsener from a bottle at 4.8%
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