She's Been Bra Shopping

Everton 1 v Sheffield United 0 

Premier League 

Saturday 11 May 2024 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #70 

Visiting some Pubs on football AwayDays can be great because there's a large range of superb tasting beers. And some Pubs can be great because of the absolutely mad shit which has gone on.

The Lower Angel

27 Buttermarket St, Warrington WA1 2LY

Had a lot of both. Our timings were a little off. For reasons unknown, the GangMaster prints out a list of away fixtures in time for the first game of the season. Details include date, departure time and cost. Of course, loads of games are switched for a variety of reasons. So the list is redundant before the ink is fucking dry.

The original list had Everton away on Saturday 11 May (that survived), departing at 10am (that didn't). At some point, the GangMaster has had a relapse, checked his pub opening time alignment with his departure time directive calibrated against his mileage chart.

Firstly, he's considered an Act of Parliament to change the pub licensing hours.

Secondly, he's considered another Act of Parliament to increase the speed limit to 100mph so he can get the coach to the pub earlier.

Thirdly, he's considered moving Warrington closer to Sheffield, or vice versa.

He's absolutely gobsmacked when the World won't bend to his will on those options. So, he's said - fuck it, we'll set off at nine.

Thing is. Once he's made that decision. He turned from his GangMaster persona to his MotherHen guise. Constantly reminding everyone it's Nine, not Ten. Not Ten as set in stone on the original first match of the season list. The list that everyone throws away as soon as the first fixture changes.

You can check my phone. Two reminders a day for two weeks that it's nine, not ten.

He's also rode roughshod over the initially announced £25 fare. Declaring it a FREE TRIP. So, that'll work.

What happens? We get to Warrington before opening time. The Carrier Bag Firm fragments. A small few find ourselves wandering into The Lower Angel, as it appears to be open before time.

I chat the Manager up, as you do. A lady comes in. Nice and friendly. Calls me La’. I call her Love. She's in her twenties (guess). Stone cold sober as best I can tell. Not a black eye. But she's had one recently. Orders a Madri. Gets a load of coins out. And passes them to the Manager one at a time.

“I'm gonna need more. I'm gonna need more than that. More…”

In only a few minutes, another female member of staff arrives. To relieve the Manager who clearly has to nip out for a bit.

It's a distinct two room pub. But, the Madri lady is a bit of a walkabout livewire. And she's in a different room to the new BarPerson. As they are reunited, briefly…

“Oh fucking hell. Not you. I can't be doing with you this morning. I thought we weren't serving you no more.”

Let us say - the assumption is they have previous. But, as a Madri has already been purchased. We're all good for now. Except.

The Madri lady makes a bee line for the CBF table. She addresses one of us directly.

“Excuse me. I need to speak to a woman.”

Appropriate Bagger attempts to detach herself for the supposed Womanno a Womanno.

“No. It's alright. You can stay there. I just wanted to tell you I've been Bra Shopping.”

(makes gesture of holding breasts up)

I don't think anyone expected it to unfold thus.

The new BarPerson was bang at it brilliant. As more and more CBF arrive. Including MotherHen himself. The BarPerson has got it all on. But, she's serving many at the same time (not Madri lady obvs). Pulling pints in both rooms. Letting ‘em settle. Forgetting nobody. Forgetting nothing. I feel she deserves some appreciation.

“Can I buy you one?”

“Thank you.”

Pulls double vodka. (Incidentally she clearly doesn't charge me full for that). Downs in one. High Fives me (I'm 65). And says;

“I haven't really been to bed since Wednesday morning…”

Absolute Mad House.

It's effectively a Liverpool Brewery pub. A magnificent nine on Cask. Aaahhh, matching the new coach departure time, I hear you say…

Liverpool Brewing Co. Hop Burst, Pale Ale on Cask at 4.1%

Great beer. Falconers 7Cs, Mosaic, Azacca. Soft mouthfeel. Some grapefruit. Great flavours.

Liverpool Brewing Co. Cascade, Pale Ale on Cask at 3.8%

Absolute belter. There's a good deal of gentle bitter up the back end. And some sugar first up. Lovely balance.

Liverpool Brewing Co. Kitty Wilkinson, Milk Stout on Cask at 5%

Named for Catherine Wilkinson, the Saint of The Slums. During an 1832 cholera outbreak, Kitty had the only boiler in her neighbourhood. She invited anyone to wash their (potentially infected) clothes and linen, saving many lives. As a campaigner, activist and fundraiser, she was later responsible for the opening of the first combined washhouse and public baths in the UK.

We toasted her, enthusiastically, with that stout. Congratulations - you have just been informed by the Carrier Bag Firm.

Incidentally, as I bought that one, having already established my friendly credentials with the vodka swilling BarPerson, she said;

“Watch the bar for me La’. If anyone comes in, tell ‘em I've gone for a wee…”

Lovely Mad House.

Very disappointing performance. Never really out of it at one nil. But certainly never really in it either.

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Desperate Buys To Replace Considered Buys

Sheffield United 2 v Everton 2 

Premier League 

Saturday 2 September 2023 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #9 

Sheffield United 0 v Lincoln City 0 

(Lincoln City win 3-2 on Penalties 

EFL Cup Round 2 

Wednesday 30 August 2023 

SUFC 2023/24 Game #8 

I've used all the clichés in the past ten years of Blogging. Primarily - the end of the phony war. The transfer window shuts. You can't lose any players "unexpectedly". You've already brought in your desperate buys to fill gaps caused by your cautious, researched buys not being good enough. But, anyhoo, we're up n running. First point. Still not really been in the bottom three. Even as I write, two teams remain pointless.

We come from a goal down to lead. One of our signings effectively scores two. And, we could have snatched it at the death. In a crazy - header, bar, save, post, whistle - combo.

I was a guest in the John St Lounge for both the Everton game and the Lincoln City game. (I notice you're not fucking saying much about that Lincoln game Phil !!!)

That means I can push the Beer In The Ground KLAXON at a Home match for a change.

Beavertown, which I am contractually obliged to point out is a subsidiary of Heineken, Neck Oil on Keg at 4.3%

It is what it is. And, what it is is a Footie Beer we'd have crawled over fifty good ******* to get to in the past. So … we drink.

The half noon kick off allowed us a good run at;

Two & Six Micropub

26 Snig Hill, Sheffield S3 8NB

Which is a lovely refurb/rebrand of premises existing. A few tables and chairs outside if you fancied bullying any passing Toffees on their way to Kelham Island. Or plenty of seats inside the main room. A just right beer board. Four Cask, including your sweet porter/stout for my Carrier Bag Firm comrades in tooth decay. An ersatz "normal lager". And two pukka craft kegs. Oversized glasses an' all.

I'll single out;

Great Newsome Brewery (Kingston upon Hull), Holly Blue, Session Pale Ale on Cask at 3.6%

Lovely at that abv. Bright. Perfect condition. Did I say, we're up n running.

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The Three Kit Ref

Sheffield United 2 v Southampton 2 

Southampton win 4-2 on Penalties 

EFL Cup Third Round 

Tuesday 21 September 2021 

SUFC 2021/22 Game #11 

Sheffield United Community Foundation U19 2 v Everton 1 

National Football Youth League 

North East Premier 

Wednesday 22 September 2021 

Played at Handsworth 

SUFC 2021/22 Game #12 

The Beer...

Two Thirds Beer Co, 434-436 Abbeydale Rd, Nether Edge, Sheffield S7 1FQ

are throwing Oktoberfest until October 3. And, you really should go. I won't pretend I know how Oktoberfest works. Never been. Damning it, isn't it as simple as a load of big industrial, international, conglomerate breweries in Bavaria brew some beers to an ever so slightly different recipe. Call 'em Festival Beers. And serve them in a load of circus tents. While presumably banging on about that fucking Reinheitsgebot all the time.

One off Beers you say, in tents. A lot to love there.

I should add that Two Thirds have German Street Food from Get Wurst all year around. (Get Wurst, I mean it's not Ball Sup, but as puns go, Hat Tip).

They've sourced six exclusive Oktoberfest Beers from different breweries. Got some appropriate bunting up. And the Big Drinking Glasses. Nice touch, but for Southampton at home, I'd better have Pints.

Now, I'm an Abbeydale Lad. Used to deliver The Star & Sunday Papers all round here. Sold The Green 'Un outside The Broadfield in a brief marketing experiment. Went to Heeley Baths. Went to the Abbeydale Picture House. Drank in The Temperance Bar. Before I un-saw the light I was in a Paramilitary wing of the Church Of England at St Peter's just up the hill from Two Thirds.

I mention all that just as testament to how things change over the years. Often for the better. Usually for the better. For the better. Look. This Is England. At this time of year, I'd be happy enough with a Green Hop Beer Festival. But, Stomping Ground Oktoberfest will do very nicely.

One of the beers was 4.9%, one 5.7% and the rest 6%+. As an ignoramus, I don't know what you're supposed to do. Drink 'em in a particular order. Pick one & stick to it in a show of brand loyalty. Anyway, we're the Carrier Bag Firm, we're going through the card (idc) & ticking them. 

For the time being, I steered clear of the Weiss & the Hell. I ended up with two yellow 'uns & a vaguely brown 'un.

Paulaner Oktoberfest Bier 2021 at 6%

Staatliches Hofbräuhaus München, Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier at 6.3%

Hacker-Pschorr Oktoberfestbier at 6%

They were all nice. None tasted to those abvs. Fucking dangerous if you're drinking the Big Glasses. My favourite was the Hacker-Pschorr. More amber & malty and more what I'm used to in a Märzen. It was nice & floaty & dreamy & soft. Easy drinking. But I suppose that's the point.

The Southampton game…

Enjoyable enough. Usual situation. Eleven changes. I'll again bang on about Academy Blocking. Lopata, Gordon & Brunt started v Carlisle & Derby in previous rounds. Today, Gordon played for the U23s in Cardiff. Brunt was on the bench at that one. Lopata was an unused Sub at The Lane. Now, I'm not saying it's deliberate. I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with it. But, I'm just pointing out the numbers. Davies & Hourihane & Gibbs-White & Guédioura have come in since then. To give us a bigger, full squad of experienced, Championship Ready players. And that means the Pathway that your Gordons, Brunts & Lopatas can see to the First Team is more crowded, more congested, blocked. 

They've gone from - oh I see, I'm behind him, who is behind him, then it's the other one, then it's ME. To - oh shit, and him now & another one & some old guy who couldn't get a contract anywhere else. (Again, I recognise the inevitability of this at my, and most other, clubs, that's the game). And don't give me any of that shit about - if they're good enough, they'll break through. Why bother with an Academy then? We'll just let kids come down from Graves Park on Monday mornings, have a kick about & if any of them are good enough we'll put them in the First Team on the Saturday.

Pathways get blocked.

That said, our "Midweek XI" performed well against a nominal Premier League team. Organised. Kept the number of mistakes low. Probing & inventive. And, they were able to create chances & put some away. No criticism of Ndiaye from me. He had the screaming ab dab Cramps again. But, that's just where he is as a player & his fitness & his game time. Needs miles in those bow legs. I do wonder how we're going to use him longer term. The more withdrawn and wider role he played tonight kept him out of the game for spells. Only sparking him into life occasionally. I'm not fussed. But, I'm hoping they can find a very attacking role for him as one of a two. Or immediately behind a two.

The Everton game…

A good win for the Community Foundation U19s, in the "Get Phil Out Of The House" League. They'd been hammered 9-1 away at Newcastle last week. So hopefully they'll feel back on track after a deserved win against Everton. 

Previously, I've portrayed the Community Foundation team as Pre Academy. I've since realised that's wrong. Pre Academy better describes the 12/13/14 year olds training at Shirecliffe. With a view to signing into the Academy. The Community Foundation team is more a Shadow Academy, a Parallel Academy. Kids continuing their education, under Sheffield United branding, with a proper training & game program.

I've also called it United's D Team. Behind the First Team, Under 23s and Under 18s. 

I felt today's game was a bit lower quality than games I've seen in previous seasons. A bit more punt it upfield. I presume it's difficult at the beginning of the season. Completely new squad as term time starts. Precious little time for working on systems & plans. Maybe a lot of learning on the job.

Everton took the lead on 12. But the Class Room Blades were level on 14 & ahead on 21. 

In typical Carrier Bag Firm fashion, we were more interested in the poor old Ref. He started the game in Black. Complete colour clash with Everton's mainly black away kit. He pulled an orange bib on. Helping a bit. But, the bit of Everton's kit which was not mainly black, was orange. So, now both Everton & the Ref were in Black & Orange. (Giggling here). He emerged in the second half with a bright yellow shirt. Got a lot of laundry to do this week the fella.

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Everton 0 v Sheffield United 2
Premier League
Saturday 21 September 2019

SUFC 2019/20 Game 24

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Honestly? You want to know what’s going on with this Blog. It’s always late. Always the same. Honestly, I wrote a Blog I was very happy with before that game. A Blog which focussed on the previous Big Issue. The Court Case. The Verdict. And, our “new” Saudi Owners. I’d enjoyed writing it. Cathartic. It might have made uncomfortable reading for some Blades. Dealing, as it did/does, with the links between Saudi Human Rights violations & Saudi Investment money. It’s something I feel very strongly about. And, I’ll Blog/publish it one day. But, in the aftermath of a wonderful drinking & football day at Everton. I wasn’t comfortable whanging that sort of Blog out there. Way it goes.

The Sportsman coach was taking us for a pre-match in Prescot. Sure. There was a ‘spoons. Sure. There was a very interesting MicroPub popped up on my internet research. But, he’s now having to take two coaches - to what on the face of it looked like a one coach town. I resigned myself to the pubs being busy. I resigned myself that I might have to fight to the bar. I thought - no drama, if I end up with just one pint, I’ll thoroughly enjoy it & it’ll help my unit analytics.

I let the dust settle before I walked into The Bard - a “Shakespeare Inspired Micropub” in Prescot. Booooom. Throw that fucking plan away. The fella behind the jump is wearing a Teardrop Explodes t-shirt. Glance in any direction. The cask black board is over on the left hand wall. The keg blackboard is over on the right hand wall. The cask pulls are on the bar. The keg fonts on the back wall. Glance. Jeez. Those all look winners. Strap in.  Five on cask. Including one from The Melwood Beer Company. Julian’s fan from behind the bar introduced that one as being “from my Brewery”. I actually blanked that one.

Team Toxic, Don’t Talk Just Kiss, Golden Ale on cask at 4.5%
The Cheshire Brewhouse, Rockall DDH Oatmeal Pale on cask at 4.8%

I counted five pukka craft kegs on that side. 

Top Rope Brewing, Daydream Mouth, Session IPA on keg at 4.5%. Nothing particularly wrong with that one. I just found it a little uninspiring. The flavours were gentle. There was a little bit of a Hop Bitter kick at the end to save it.

Which leaves - Outstanding Beer Of The Day

Collective Arts Brewing (Hamilton, Ontario, Canada), Saint Of Circumstance, Blonde Ale on keg at 4.7%. That was unusual enough to have you thinking. Some of it tasted like a citrus pale. Some of it like a grassy saison. And, some of it a bit yeasty, like a Belgian Golden. It had a neat soapy taste at first. And, was packed with flavour.

Bit of an argument before kick off. One of the stewards took some sweets from the mascot who walks around the pitch, and held his hand out to me - “want some toffees, mate?”. Clown. Those are Everton Mints. Where do they even find these people. 

Obvs. That was far from our most fluent & energetic performance of the season. At times, we looked to be sitting very deep. Without any usable outlet. The ball just seemed to keep coming back at us. When, I stopped to think, I thought fuck, where are J O’C & Bash. Oh yeah. They’re defenders. I can barely remember those days. Despite all that, you could hardly say Everton created loads of clear cut chances. The whole day will be forever framed by that second goal. Lundstram gets the ball. And covers some right old ground with it. He sees something. Lollops it in the box. Mousset gets on the end of it. And, a calm quality finish. Just in the moment, it felt like a Premier League goal. The ones we’ve been missing a few of, and conceding. One chance. Bit of pace & skill needed. Done.

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