Greedy Strikers Me Likers

Birmingham City 1 v Sheffield United 2 

The Championship 

Monday 8 May 2023 

SUFC 2022/23 Game #71 

That's it. We're done. For the First Team. Still some Academy games to (hopefully) get at. Lots of fans selecting their fantasy signings. Lots of mantras.

"We need five or six Premier League quality signings to have a chance of surviving."

"Yeah. But where's the fucking fun in that?"

I'm not advocating sticking with what we've got. I'm not advocating sentiment. Let's have a recruitment strategy. Best of the Championship. Best of the youngsters from PL Academies. Best loans. Whatevs. It's all a fucking mad gamble. But, we're an identity club. We want players who know what the others have to do. Tickers. Let's be NotLeeds.

Speaking of identity. Cameo from Greedy Guts Will Osula. Greedy Strikers Me Likers. Tendency to snatch and drag his shots across the face. Tendency to not pass to Billy, or anybody. Tendency to think - I'm going to fucking put this one in.

Speaking of identity. National Anthem before the game. What the fuck is that doing anywhere near a football match? There are plenty of appropriate places and opportunities to play and sing it.

Cameo from Jili as well. And a great header from McBurnie. There are plenty of appropriate places and opportunities to score them headers. Like every fucking weekend from August to May next season. Come on.

Flute & Flagon

28-30 Station Rd, Solihull B91 3SB

Any port in a storm, normal pub. The Craft Beer offering was three from Beavertown. With a mix of industry standards and obscure locals on the Cask sticks.

Birmingham Brewing Company, Blonde Brummie on Cask at 4.4%

Undecided on that one. Got a lot better as you got down it. A bit metallic at first. But some fruit develops later.

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Sensible Beer Bus goes Chaotic

Birmingham City 1 v Sheffield United 2 

The Championship 

Friday 4 February 2022 

SUFC 2021/22 Game #47

"How are you getting to Birmingham, Phil?"

I am often asked similar questions about travel options to Away games. Having served years on Shred's absolutely chaotic coach, I refer to the coach I sometimes travel on now as The Sensible Beer Bus. It has got many things going for it. But, there are some worrying signs that it's going to shit.

On the trip from Cherry Street to Birmingham, the following had happened before we got to Heeley Bottom.

One. Some lad has asked for the mic & issued a heartfelt apology for his behaviour at Preston. Apparently "that is not the man he is". I wasn't on that bus, so was none the wiser. Gentle questioning of my neighbour revealed that the incident in question could be summed up as - vomit.

Two. Now the announcement floodgates were open, the Coach Driver delivered the following three card trick re the Preston debacle. He had found two e-cigs and if the rightful owners did not claim them, he'd have to bin them.

Three. The Coach Driver had also found TWO separate, and different, lenses that had become detached from their fucking glasses frames.

Four. He's cagey on this one. He's also found "another item of a personal nature" that "the person will know they have lost". When we reached Arundel Gate at half midnight, he was finally able to reveal it was a wedding ring, and someone had claimed it.

Now, I love The Sensible Beer Bus to bits. But, they need to get on top of all this chaos. And quickly. The motto of the tale must surely be - never fucking go to Preston with them.

While I'm on the subject, today the Sensible Beer Bus had a Guest Beer Consultant. The usual head honcho pretends it's all democratic & consultative. But, actually, it's his roost & he rules it. Fiefdom. The requirements are simple enough. The Beer Stop must have a Wetherspoons and a range of other real ale pubs, preferably a Micropub, and maybe a Craft Beer Bar for good measure. 

Even to this day, no one really knows why. But, the head honcho chose to seek advice from a Guest Beer Consultant for this trip. After the event, the choice of Beer Stop was given a resounding 8/10. Personally, I think that was very generous. Particularly given the fact that the first Micropub was shit & the Wetherspoons kitchen was fucked and they weren't serving food!!!!

The Beer Stop was Rowley Regis (Halesowen). And I was the Guest Beer Consultant. Rowley Regis was my choice. The Bus was not chaotic. No vomit. All glasses intact. No one having to do the monocle at the game. Remember all that the next time there is a vote for the committee.

I'm going to single out two places in Rowley Regis.

The Swan Inn

278 Long Ln, Halesowen B62 9JY

(I can't claim any credit, that one wasn't on my original list). An absolutely superb, main road, traditional boozer. Nicely busy. Pensioners. People on their way home from work. Locals. A phenomenal TEN on Cask.

North Cotswold Brewery, Green Man IPA, on Cask at 4%

The pump clip claimed Double Hopped. An excellent English style IPA. The Hop bitterness was a bit shy at first. But it filled in with some ginger. It was golden. And looked very thin. But it actually tasted lovely and full bodied. 3.75/5

We moved on to a place I've been before.

The Fixed Wheel Brewery Tap

Long Lane Trading Estate, 9, Long Ln, Blackheath B62 9LD

that's only open Friday Tea Time & Saturday. I'll be honest, it didn't look open as we lolloped across the industrial estate. We tentatively pushed the door. And as it gave way, we realised about half the coach had already plotted up. Five of their own on Cask (some at three English). Four of their own on Keg. Plus three guest Kegs. I went;

Fixed Wheel Brewery, Make Party Cryo Pop Hazy Pale on Keg at 5.1% - 3.75/5

Fixed Wheel Brewery, Blackheath Stout on Keg at 5% - 3.75/5

A great win that one. We're not going to dominate many games & be in them all the time. So we'll need to develop a comfortable win strategy if we're to get anywhere. This game wasn't even that. It was a battling come from behind. But, surely we were worth that win. We juggled our much of a muchness squad. Fleck, Berge & Ben Davies back in. 

Loads of Blades I know feel we need Berge to have a consistent run to the end of the season. I often feel his gait & body position works against him. Because of his size, he somehow seems not to be putting much in, when he actually is. He sort of glides around. His pass made the first goal. He actually pushed it straight at me in the lower tier behind the goal. My initial reaction was - Shit Ball. But, Sharp decided to get on it to equalise.

In the ground, you're shut off from all the complications of was it offside, was there a reset. And, you concentrate on the skill that Bogle showed. Glorious.

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A Hoo Haa Ensued

Sheffield United 0 v Birmingham City 1 

The Championship 

Saturday 7 August 2021 

We chucked ourselves at the Indie Beer Feast Festival Trail. Usually a conventional craft beer festival in The Abbeydale Picture House. But, in these restricted times, this Side Project involved 6 venues across Sheffield, featuring 15 breweries.

St Mars Of The Desert, 90 Stevenson Rd, Sheffield S9 3XG

St Mars Of The Desert (SMOD) were essentially just featuring their own beers. Given they brew on site, that's not a bad plan. I last visited in December 2018, not long after they first opened. Look, the Carrier Bag Firm are not demanding. No matter what goes wrong, one plausible beer is all we need. And if we're in The Non Plausible Arms, a quick smile & exit through the Covid Compliant One Way. But, I did find that a little bizarre in SMOD. Essentially, confusion reigned. We were meeted, greeted & seated at an outside table. Pointed at the printed menu. And lip licked expectantly.

I ordered their Koel It (Citra). After all, their Koelschip brewing kit is one of their "signatures". Sorry Off.

No drama. Other Plausible Beers are available. I ordered two thirds of the superb sounding Smodbräu Hell.

I then watched the geezer pour one pint of Lost And Grounded (Bristol) Helles at 4.4%. I then watched the waitress bring that over (just that, none of the other CBF orders) and plonk it. When I queried - wrong beer in wrong size - Hoo Haa Ensued. A full inquiry was instituted. The result was quickly brought in……

The Smodbräu Hell has now also gone off (FFS) so we poured you that Lost & Grounded as we thought that's what you'd want instead. For Fucks Sake. Who does that?

Of course, we're too polite, so none of that amazement was vocalised. Nor even communicated non verbally. But, what the actual?

Anyway, their realisation kicked in. They offered it me for free. I checked my lists. It was a Beer Tick anyway. I paid.

(I'm still not sure how much of my taste has come back. So, you'll forgive me if I don't go all in on tasting notes).

Lost And Grounded, Helles on Keg at 4.4%

Saint Mars Of The Desert, Fruit Stingo (Apricot), Fruited Sour on Keg at 5.1%. My companion assured me there were apricots all over that. To me, not.

The Second Leg was;

The Crow Inn, 33 Scotland St, Sheffield S3 7BS

What a great boozer The Crow Inn is. On the Festival Trail thingy, they were featuring Duration Brewing (Norfolk), Mobberley Brewhouse (Cheshire) and Black Iris Brewery (Nottingham). Eleven in total on the Keg List.

I tried to guess what the following tasted like;

Duration, Turtles All The Way Down, American Pale on Keg at 5.5%

Mobberley Brewhouse, Summer IPA (Mosaic 2021) on Keg at 6%

Duration, Sail, Cellared Saison, on Keg at 4.2%

I don't know what I was expecting really, but obviously there were no surprises in the new manager's first league line up. We haven't brought anyone in. The Window is still open, but we haven't shipped any of the big guns out yet. And the kids stayed at home. The tried and yet to be decided whether trusted. Safe pairs of feet. 

Clearly, a disappointing result. Clearly out Championshipped. But, not an awful performance by any means. But, not a pleasing performance by any means. Four at the back. Monumental possession stats. Sideways. Slow. Safe. Pointless. Very little created. And STILL difficult to see where a goal will come from. Maybe just too many square pegs in round holes. Yes, I know mate. I'd have liked to see the players who can really hurt teams have more of the ball in dangerous areas. McGoldrick for eg. Berge for eg. Oh, trust me, I didn't get the memo. Sure, Berge is supremely comfortable on the ball when nowhere near goal. Sure he can burst with pace very occasionally around the box. Sure he can draw fouls & free kicks - in the fucking Premier League. But, someone needs to get in his ear. This is The Championship kiddo. Free Kicks Not Guaranteed.

Super player. Might not be here too long. Need him to hurt teams. NOW.

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Realign those wheels

Birmingham City 1 v Sheffield United 1
The Championship
Wednesday 10 April 2019

Sheffield United 1 v Millwall 1
The Championship
Saturday 13 April 2019

SUFC 2018/19 Games 81 & 82
2018/19 Football Season Brewery Visits - 103

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Two one alls there. Going into that lot, that's probably not what you wanted. United were ahead in both games. But, basically, both Birmingham & Millwall always looked like they'd have an equaliser in them. The wheels looked like they needed to go in for realignment after the Millwall game. Basham off with a hamstring. To be replaced by Madine. Centre Back off, Striker on. Sharp off with a hamstring. To be replaced by Cranie. Striker off, Centre Back on. Egan red card for handling on the line. Penalty missed. And, still time for Millwall's 90+5 equaliser. And, and, and, still time for Wilder to fill the swear box in front of the ref. Apparently all about a foul on McGoldrick in the build up to the build up to the ball being with Millwall's keeper in the build up to the build up to the equaliser.

I'll continue to stick to the plan. All teams play 46. Add up the points. But, what I will say is. Marvelous season. Played some great stuff. It's all still in our hands. What the fuck is all this “might as well write the Play Offs off” nonsense about? Three draws in the Play Offs & win the Penalty lotteries & we're up. It's in our hands. Win games. Draw games. Score some penalties. Don't worry about Leeds.

The midweek drink was in (what I understand is) a new bar in Sutton Coldfield. Cask and Craft on Boldmere Road. That was an easy place to warm to. Very simple & modern design. Beers lined up on the wall behind him. I recall it along the lines of six keg, one cask. I had the;

Northern Monk, Patrons Project 3.07 // James Butler // Golden Whale // GlassHouse // BOXCAR // DDH IPA on keg at 7.4%.

Or as we know it the Surely Name Too Long. It was just a little disappointing after the build up. There was a nice tropical sweetness. But not a lot happening after that. It definitely needed some more bitter ooommmppphhh.

Before the Millwall game, I had a glass of Latest Gimmick Beer.

Northern Monk, Henderson's Relish // Bloody Mary Porter on keg at 5%. 

Mainly a) I'd struggle to say I could taste the Hendo's & b) the chilli heat was a bit too much for me. It's deffo a Gimmick Beer. But, all told, not that bad a gimmick.

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I have now Blogged from 793 games in 1,698 days

Blades AnAleyTicks

Millwall 2 v Sheffield United 3
The Championship
Saturday 29 September 2018

Sheffield United 3 v Preston North End 2
The Championship
Saturday 22 September 2018

Sheffield United 0 v Birmingham City 0
The Championship
Wednesday 9 September 2018

Yorkshire 184 all out
v Hampshire 79 for 5
close on Day 1
County Championship Division One
Tuesday 18 September 2018
Played at Headingley

SUFC 2018/19 Games 25, 26 & 27

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Lots of people are at it now. At last. Numbers. Statistics. Expected this that other Models. One of my jobs before the Carrier Bag Firm became a profitable going concern involved me calculating the Inflation Price Index for Tristan da Cunha. A remote group of islands in the South Atlantic. You'll hear lots of rhetoric about how official statistics are fixed. Made up even. But, come on, you might not know me from Eve. But who would you really want to be in charge of Retail Price Indices for a South Atlantic Archipelago. Free choice. If ever a job was made for the Carrier Bag Firm, that is it. Hand. In. Glove.

I'm a numbers guy. Everyone's getting an angle. I need one. Welcome to the trial edition of Blades AnAleyTicks. Mate, you've been Punned.

Millwall away. A Saturday. I've looked at the expectations. I've looked at the reality. Poor performance that. Many of the worst aspects of our recent seasons.

The Plan. I collated the Scouting Reports. The maximum number of expected Breweries on the day was EIGHTEEN. Brockley Brewing Co was the last target. But, that closes at 9pm. So, that always looked unlikely. Fourpure Brewing Co is effectively under South Bermondsey station. Opens 11am to 8pm. Under normal circumstances that's very very doable. But, we had to run & re-run the model and check the parameters. Fucking 100% owned by Australian Beverage Bollocks Co, Lion. In turn owned by Kirin. Big. Fucking. Beer. We had 16 others to go at. Big Beer can go to the end of the list. File under - gratuitous pisstake sneer at them Brewery Tick.

That revised our xBT (expected Brewery Ticks) to SIXTEEN. Our actual, final total was a Piss Poor ELEVEN. Just 69% Completion Rate.

What went wrong. Team selection was partly to blame. Two bona fide Carrier Baggers. Plus Two Fellow Travellers on a One Match Trial. One FT can only drink pints. Doesn't like low abv beers. Doesn't like high abv beers. Really only likes dark beers. Finds hopped beers sour (FFS - Amateur Hour). He won't have Tasters. It's beneath him. His eyesight is too poor to read the Beer Blackboards. He can sometimes read pump clips if he gets four inches away from them & squints. And, he won't wear glasses.  So, he'll routinely end up with a beer he didn't ask for & he doesn't really like. He also has very poor BM (Bladder Management). On a run which will often involve portaloos or single, unisex traps.

Because this is a full on AnAleyTicks Blog, it helps to categorise events & personnel. He is a Fucking Liability.

How good was the Plan. Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth. (Quote attributed to Mike Tyson). The first punch was at Anspach & Hobday. The Scouting Report said open at 1030. The sign on the door said 1100. The locked shutters effectively confirmed that. We Recalibrated. The sign on the door at Southwark Brewing also said 1100. But, the second punch in the mouth came fast. Boooom. The staff arrived to open Southwark Brewing up. But, with a big bunch of apparently random keys. And a raft of locks, bolts, padlocks to keep the Bad South Londonarians out. They could not open the doors. (This Blog now pauses while I go for a lie down in a darkened room).

We were told The Florence in Herne Hill no longer had what you would call a recognisable Brew Kit. And. Nail. Coffin. I'd already ordered the beers in Brick Brewery, Peckham Rye before I had a quick shufty at the geography. A quick word with the bar person confirmed. It's not actually a Brewery. When you're Brewery Ticking, that's usually a requirement.

The Positives. Many. We were patient at times. Wait. Wait. Wait. Build again. Aaahhh. They've found the square key for the square lock at Southwark Brewing. And ….. we're in.

We adapted very well in running, as the ticking progressed. Shit. The Florence is not a Brewery any more. Don't worry, we hadn't realised Bullfinch was so close until we spoke to the Brewer at Clarkshaws. Nix The Florence. Hit Bullfinch.

We hit a wall at Gipsy Hill Brewing. That, plus Southey Brewing in Penge would have put us on THIRTEEN. It was already Too Late For Brockley (note to self - possible name for South London musical, something, something, something, Too Late For Brockley, the Songs Of Squeeze - needs work).

The Blackboards at Gipsy Hill were very difficult for any of us to read. I ordered Beatnik. That was off. The female bar person walked away to talk to someone at the end of the bar. The male bar person was engrossed with his phone. Maybe five feet away from me. No amount of “excuse mes” got me anywhere. I was Eleven Breweries in. The clock was ticking. He got the full - OY - treatment. Wouldn't serve us. We needed to wait for his female colleague. While he did Fuck All. I thought, well if he's getting his Social Media in order, so will I. I made to take a picture of the Beer Blackboards for Twitter, Instagram & Untappd. Both of them suddenly got the idea I was taking pictures of them. That should not be a problem anyway. It's 2018 Daddio. I thrust my phone at them offering them a look at the Gallery. Full of pictures of Beer Boards. Empty of pictures of them. They wouldn't have it. And we were asked to leave the broadly empty gaff. Without having a drink. I minced out like a good 'un.

Gipsy Hill can happily have the piss poor, unwelcoming Brewery Tap experience award. I will mention them in my acceptance speech at next year's Beer Geek Awards.

The Best Brewery Of The Day can go to Brew By Nos.

I'm not awarding an Outstanding Beer Of The Day. When you're plotting 18 Breweries, believe me abv matters. I'm awarding a Genre Of The Day & shouting out to all those superb low abv Pales & IPAs. No compromise on flavour.

The Kernel, Table Beer at 2.9%
Southwark Brewing Co, All Day Breakfast at 3.4%
Brew By Nos, 27 01 Double Dry Hopped Table Pale, Eldorado & Citra at 3.5%
Bianca Road, Long Play IPA at 3.6%
Canopy Beer Co, Love Walks Small at 2.9%
Bullfinch, Juno (Amarillo) at 2.8%

Looking at those abvs, it's a surprise we were so hammered that they wouldn't serve us in Gipsy Hill Brewing. (note - we weren't)

Let the record show. 18 in the plan. One off as wouldn't be reached in time. One off as now Big Industrial Chemical Plant Beer. One no longer brewing. One just a bar, not a Brewery. Two nixed in timetable shake up. One added opportunistically. Binned out of one (snigger). One just a Brewery too far.

The Kernel (off sales only - took the cap off & drank it walking to the next one - we are savages), Southwark Brewing, Anspach & Hobday, Brew By Nos, Bianca Road Brew Co, Affinity Brew Co, Spartan Brewery, Partizan Brewing, Clarkshaws Brewing, Canopy Beer Co, Bullfinch Brewery. The First XI.

722/1502

One up every week

Birmingham City 2 v Sheffield United 1

The Championship

Saturday 21 April 2018

SUFC 2017/18 Game 84

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That looked like a game too far. What there is, we're running out of it. Gas, ideas, plan B, time, games. I don't particularly view that as negative. It's just the way it is. I wasn't paying particular attention. It was well into the first half before I realised we'd gone in with only one striker. Actually, that's not a bad way of getting Duffy into the team. But, we're at the shit or bust bit of the season. So, that looks a bit flat.

There was very little by way of overlapping & pushing forward. Just when we didn't need it, we became a Shape Team for the day. But, we nicked the early goal. In many years to come. When we can remember the general picture. But not the details. This season will feel like a Trivia Question. “Which team took a 1-0 lead in every game?”

Birmingham is a great place for a Craft Beer Drink. Amongst many other things, if you catch the tram, and get off at The Jewellery Quarter, it's only a quid. We hit 1000 Trades, Burning Soul Brewery & Tilt. Tilt is a pinball themed beer bar in the centre. Looking back at my log made eyewatering reading. An 8%, a 7.5, 7.3 & 7.2. It's been a long old season.

I had the White Stout debate with the brewer at Burning Soul. I should leave well alone. Because I “get’ Black IPAs. White Stout is just the reverse, ain't it? I was a touch disappointed with this one. The whole point would seem to be to get some toast, smoke, roast through into the final glass. To confuse the issue, this one was a coffee added affair. Basically a cup of coffee. A nice cup of coffee, mind.

646/1341

The Scouts are out

Birmingham City U21 0 v Sheffield United U21 2

Tuesday 6 January 2015

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Another first for me out at the Birmingham City Academy. Very welcoming. Lovely set up. Pitches as far as the eye can see. Superb, bowling green, surface on the main pitch.

The January Window is open. Quite a few fellas (some recognisable) hunched over notebooks watching & scouting targets.

Both sides were strong & committed. It was a bit windy. Everything being done at high pace. But, not a lot of composure out there. United set up with Ben Whiteman at centre back alongside McGahey. Later on, Whiteman slotted into midfield once Sam Berry had come on. And he grabbed the ball to convert the penalty. For sheer versatility, and a Goal, I'll happily give Ben my Man of the Match.

In the first half,  Kieran Wallace had a couple of longer range shots narrowly wide. James Wallace drilled a low shot in, which the keeper held. Jamie McDonagh had a glancing header just wide. The BlueNoses also had some chances & were unlucky with a bit of penalty area ping pong. They finished that half stronger.

Otis Khan (over to the left) & Che Adams switched wings for the beginning of the 2nd half. Good work down the left by Jason Paling & then Otis, ended with a handball in the box. Whiteman knocked it home.

Birmingham came back into it & had some good chances. Then a spate of substitutions.

A chase down. The Birmingham keeper slipped as he tried to control/clear. CJ Hamilton nicked it off him. But he also seemed to end up on his arse. He recovered a bit & knocked it in for 2-0.

Nigel Clough was here. Mainly in a watching role, not a shouting & bawling role.

Sorry. But Che Adams gets my anonymous, forgot he was even out there, award.

(66/168)

Help for our Non-League Brothers

Sheffield United U16 1 v Birmingham City U16 2

At Hallam FC

Monday 1 December 2014

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Precious little info about this one. It's some sort of initiative lead by SUFC. Maybe two objectives. To get some competitive matches at U16 level & to continue to forge links with local lower pyramid teams.

I was very critical of United pulling out (at short notice) from a number of preseason games against non-league teams.

Keeping sweet with our smaller brothers is far better than all the usual charitable & foundation nonsense. It's football helping football. It's a very direct way of building participation & grassroots development.

1. Take teams (XIs, U18s, etc) to play local non-league sides.

2. Organise age group games at local non-league grounds. (Like this one v Birmingham City).

3. Train occasionally at & with non-league teams in sessions open to the public.

4. Send members of the 1st Team to public appearances at local non-league games.

5. Send our younger players out on short term development loans to non-league teams. The Blades are very good at this. If I've read social media correctly, Jake Wright to Hallam is the latest.

6. But, for pities sake, PUBLICISE. Tonight's match v Birmingham was almost a secret.

Anyway.  Enjoyable game. Both sets of players up for it. Without being over aggressive.

My suspicion is it's a two legged affair. With the 2nd leg still to come.